Seeing a little less of me......

2011-10-14T06:26:00.000-07:00

40 weeks today! EEK!
I've put on around 22lbs.
Lets see how much comes off at the birth and how quick i can get back down and get losing :oP
:o)

marks off the days

2011-09-13T01:37:00.000-07:00

4.5 weeks-ish till little Bear arrives.
10.5 weeks-ish till I can hop back on the WW-train...woooohooowooo!!!

Got weighed at the consultant office yesterday...with me bent over to see the numbers I was looking at bang on 128kg...so 20stone, give or take a pound or so. Humm.
When I began WW on September 17th 2008...I was 20st 6lb.
PLEASE don't let me go over that little baby!!
At least I can guarentee that when the bundle arrives, I'll be under it for sure...so I not figuring on weighing again until after and sweeping it under the carpet :oP (although I BET I do weigh before the birth!!

Tim has said he'll hop aboard the train with me, so all is good.

Hope you are all doing well xxx
Miss you all xx

hides by the door

2011-06-04T01:30:00.000-07:00

10 Months...oh how things can change!!

- I've put on stupid amounts of weight, back up to a 20/22 in clothes.
- Jacked the job in....Collegues completely did my head in.
- Money/tax credits changed, for the worse, and I was working 50/60 hours for £134 a month...PANTS

And the main thing.....I'm going to be a mummy again!
I'm just over halfway through my pregnancy now.
I'm due 16th october :o)

So far, in 21 weeks I have gained 7 pounds, so nothing too bad! (Considering I put on 6.5 stone with my first pregnancy!)
I am trying to do the healthy eating thing, but finding it hard when all I crave is cheese!!

I am looking forward to being a Mum again....older and wiser, I plan on doing things how *I* want to do them, not how everyone else wants me to do them!
And so, baby will be in a sling lots of the time, (I was always told baby needed to be put down to sleep, and so I was always on tender hooks trying to clean/do other jobs!) I'll be breastfeeding, (I did this with the others, but felt the pressure to get over onto the bottle when life got in the way...I managed 8 months with last child) and the baby will stay a baby for as long as I choose....none of this dressing it up in pretty clothes when all it needs is comfort (My first was in little jeans and t-shirts at 10 days!)...I CAN'T WAIT!!

I'll be on and off here in the next few months, and then back fully once October/November comes!

I'll catch up on blogs asap.
Missed you all.
xxxx

AWOL returning

2010-07-21T16:47:00.000-07:00

8th May was the last time I ventured here. *sigh*
It went off the rails, and hence me not wanting to come near this blog. The head/heart/*insert whatever here* was not with it, at all.

How's things changed?
Well, I have put on 10lb or so....not sure what I was last time I posted.
I am working now. Full time night work. Aye, nightmarish for dieting.
I tried shopping for size 22 again, and realised why I wanted to diet so badly before....*nod*
I had a bit of a spooky experience with a dream, and it's kicked me up the arris.

Ok, so, the weight gain first off. I have stuffed anything and everything I wanted in my mouth. I have had foods with no-one knowing, I have had take-aways and alsorts....I deserve the gain, most definately. No-one to blame, just me.

I am now working full time, but it's full time nights, which played havoc with both my moods, my sleep, my food.....my life, basically. I couldn't get the hang of not eating during my shifts, or not eating at home, or the right times for food.....or anything.
I seemed to have that sussed now....more about that in a mo....

Monday, me and Tim went shopping. First wage packet and all that....so money to burn...sorta...and I decide I need some new clothes for hols (camping in a week or so) so off we go to town.....I couldn't find anything in either my size, or that I wanted to wear. Everything in a 22 was either polka dots, stripes, or I'd look like I was 65 in it. *sigh*
By the end of the day I was in tears, very angry, hating myself, hating the shops, hating myself more...and utterly pissed off.
However the kids came off well, as did Tim, because I went shopping for them instead! LOL!

And lastly, my dream. I was speaking to my Dad (who has passed) on the telephone.....I am not sure what about, but my head was in such turmoil, that I was probably asking him what to do about stuff....He has been on my mind for a few days...well, more than normal anyhow. I miss him like absolute crazy sometimes.
He was so strong-willed, and when he wanted something he damn well got on and got it! He wasn't a Sergeant-Major for nowt!!
And so, I took the dream as him telling me to get off my ass, stop making excuses and just DO IT!!

And so, here I am.
I am on a break at work, sat at my laptop, waffling on here.

I am back on weightwatchers.....the slimming world was ok, but it was too lenient, and I need strict-ness right now to get me through.
I am supposed to be on 27 points a day, but yesterday I got to 18 and today I will (if I eat everything I have brough to work with me) get to 21.
I am taking it from 7am to 7am for my points....and if I work, I adjust my daytime eating accordingly. It seems to be working out ok.....but the scales will tell.

We're going camping on the 31st of this month till the 6th....should be fun. I'll eat what I like, within reason, and then deal with it on my return. At least it'll be more fun than last year......last year was me trying to work out what was wrong with my tum, and skipping wheat and everything....nightmare (foodwise) holiday.
I think, though, with the way my head is, my activity will outweigh the food I eat this year.

It's been a rough-head-ride this past couple of months....I am glad to be getting the eating back on track, because lots of other things fall into place when the food is good. I feel more in control, I sleep better and my mood swings aren't so violent, and I am more focussed. All to do with the sugar highs and lows I guess.

And so, as said many maaaaaany times.....let's do this thang!!

Oh, and it's my birthday today, and not a bit of cake in sight. *humpf*

Hope you are all well, I apologise for being a poohey friend on here....I'll try and make ammends asap. xx

2010-05-08T02:30:00.000-07:00

Good Morning!!
I have the worst cracking headache EVAR!
Staying up, last night, watching Greys Anatomy back to back is not good for the aging eyeballs!! LOL

This whole Slimming world thing is ...erm....strange, I have to say.
Maybe Weightwatchers HAS brainwashed me. *sigh*
However, I am enjoying food again, and it's awesome!
And being honest, even though I am eating seemingly loads, I am probably not far off proper ww points to be fair.
For breakfast I have just has 2 scrumpled up weetabix, with strawberries and strawberry yogurt on top. It was quite scrummy actually.
I am keeping my Healthy extra milk for later, when I am going to make a little rice pudding. I'll pan cook it and then add sweetner after....might be a bit of a bodge job, but it 'should' taste ok.

No syns used as yet. I know, I know....it's only 10:35am!! LOL

It's kinda cool to have a new focus. It's dragged me out of the rutt I fell in with WW. If I go in on Wednesday with a loss, I'll be very chuffed.

However, I still have the guilt. I work for ww. And so I have chosen to lie. Well, not lie....just not disclose the truth. I don't think there is any rules about going to more than one diet class...is there? Is it in the small print somewhere?? I dunno.

As for the person reading my blog....apparently it came up on one of my e-mail addies...he followed a link for it and occassionally snoops on me. Which kinda creeps me out, as I have written some kinda personal stuff in here....so I am unsure what to do about that. I love reading others blogs, and don't wanna stop blogging myself, but....we'll see.

2010-05-06T03:53:00.001-07:00

I am a WW traitor...and gone over to 'the other side' and joined Slimming world.

I dunno if it'll work, but the vouchers were free, I need a kick up the preverbial....and ya know....if it works, then it's all good.

I'll be back later to update, but I am having issues with this journal being public property, and certain people reading it, who I don't want to, so we'll see :o)

*waves*

2010-04-22T04:47:00.000-07:00

A 4lb gain this week has put me on the next stone bracket. not amused. Almighty kick up the arse has happened.....determined to have the lower number show next week. I am bang on the 17 mark. So I am not *into* the 17's I am just seeing the number there....even a 1/2 pound drop will get me out of them....but still....yeah, gutted.

Tracking, religiously, again.....need a little OCD to kick in this week and I'll be ok.

I ate loads yesterday and seemed only to get up to 11 and 3/4 points....humm. Strange.
I like days like that!

Quorn pepperd steaks are on half price at tesco....£1.14 for 2......sat here eating them at the mo with a little bit of stir fry zero veg....nice....very...erm....peppery. *wafts mouth* LOL!

2010-04-08T05:46:00.001-07:00

I have been kinda AWOL the past few weeks...and the rollercoaster of emotions have been surprising.
I fell well and truly off the wagon....not food wise, but WW wise.

I was just so pissed off!! Get up, weigh stuff, not eating what I 'wanted' ....rinse and repeat for lunch and tea. Refusing stuff when I go out....I was feeling really bitter and angry towards WW.
I got it into my head I was leaving WW, didn't want to weigh at class, doing it alone....the old fashioned 'eating healthy' way.

Of course, I threw my toys out the buggy.....but then I picked them all back up, and got on with it again.

I AM back on WW, I AM tracking again.....and the past 2 weeks, I have had a loss....so I can't complain.

Last week I was down 1lb. This week 2.5
I am officially 16st 10.
Know what scared me? Seeing the 17 there again. (Even if it was on the Wii and not on the WW scales)
Noooooooooooooo!!!

And so....I am still hanging on in there.....for now....till I throw the toys out again! LOL!

2010-03-06T05:03:00.000-08:00

I've been MIA, I apologise....but not loads to report really.

1lb off last wednesday gave me a minute bit of motivation, although I was hoping for more. I'd not been 100% on track 100% of the time, so in all honesty I am pleased with 1 off.

I have, however, been on track since wednesday. Tis now saturday and I am still within points etc.
I went swimming Wednesday and Thursday doing 32 and 40 laps respectively.
I just find lapping so booooooring! But it's the only way to get the exercise in. If I go with the kids I don't feel like I have actually 'worked' if you know what I mean.
I'm looking into getting a waterproof walkman/mp3 thingy. However reviews differ with each make, and so I'll look about a while longer. Anything to lighten an hour in the pool!

Food is still colourful and lovely. My Tum will whole-heartedly disagree with me.

And so....the days plod by until WI day.

*group hugs all round*

flying visit....

2010-02-26T04:39:00.000-08:00

Tis friday.
Still on track.

Colourful foods are the best!

Debating going swimming this afternoon....house needs tidying though....humm.

Tim wants me to go to the gym with him in the morning. *gulp*
I'm not sure
a) Getting super sweaty in front of your fella aint the best...LOL
b) Not been since August...Can I still actually run on the tready?
c) I'd rather go swimming LOL

We'll see how I feel in the morning.

Jellies are 'doing' in the fridge...yummy!
No crisps this week.

Went a little over points yesterday, but that kinda balanced with Wednesday's under-points, so not too worried.

All is good :o)

shorts again

2010-02-25T05:01:00.000-08:00

Went swimming again this morning. 30 lengths this time. I was only in for a wee while, then I got bored! LOL!

I rejoined the leisure centre gold membership wotsit. Saves me having to pay 3:30 every swim. It means I can venture back int he gym again now....but I am a little wary. Dunno why.

I came in under points yesterday. 18 and 3/4. I should be on 24....I may do a fast track week, but I'll see how the motivation goes towards the end of my week LOL

:o)

shorts

2010-02-24T11:56:00.000-08:00

I am 100% still on track. I am kinda angry at myself for letting myself slip like I have, but it's being channelled in the right direction now.

I am back to making nice colourful and enjoyable meals.

I am not bitter about 'dieting' anymore.

I went swimming today. First time since getting ill in August. :o)
26 laps in 25 minutes. Feels good.

It's good to get a rumbly tummy through hunger now and then.

I weighed this morning. 2.5 lb on. I'm not worried though...next week will be different. For sure.
I didn't hit the 17's thank goodness. I'm never going back there.

S'all good.

the dreaded eve....

2010-02-23T13:33:00.000-08:00

I hate Tuesdays. no matter what week I have had, I always convince myself I've out on 2 stone and look as fat as a house!! LOL!!
And so, this week hasn't been the best, and I've wobbled off the tracks a bit. (read - alot) but if I get a small gain or a sts, I'll be pleased.
I'm pretty focussed right now, and I hope that i'll get over whatever tomorrow throws at me and aim for next week asap.

*fingers crossed* for tomorrow.

2010-02-22T11:34:00.000-08:00

I have had a positive day, given that I was at the low of lows this morning.
I bought lots of goodies when I went shopping...and I have shelved the 'solving tum issues'...

Tea tonight was fresh-made-oven-baked turkey rissoles/burgers(2 pts each), fresh brocolli (0), carrot/swede mash(0) and oven potato wedges(200g = 2pt). With a splash of gravy. My plate was stacked and it was super yummy!!

And the one thing ringing in my head?...

"No-one else is going to do this for me."

*nods*

drags self back up the slippery slope

2010-02-22T03:26:00.000-08:00

I am sat here in tears. I've had enough, quite frankly.
Jacqueline I could copy/paste your post right here and it'd fit me perfectly. *nod*

I am pissed off with always struggling. Whether it be with weight, my state of mind, money, relationships...I am just soooo fed up with it all!!

The past 3 weeks have been pretty pooh food wise....not as in me eating bad food...it's just been hard work.
I cut out lots of food to see if I could curtail the 'tummy issues' but to no avail. Things are still the same....so why the hell did I bother.
The first week, I lost 5lb because I was eating hardly anything...then I lost 1lb...then gained 2. Humm.
I was on track for the first 2 weeks, then kinda lost the plot a bit.
It was also weighing on someone elses scales (We had a stand-in leader) and I didn't like it because they showed a gain!! LOL! *throws toys outta the pram*

And so....I have just been shopping.
I am going back to everything I used to eat when I first joined weight watchers. I have lost over 50lb, why can't I do it again??!!
Me losing weight is a bigger issue for me than sorting the tum out right now. It's something I just HAVE to do...for body AND mind.

I'll probably have a gain/sts on Wednesday, but I am hoping for a loss the week after.

I have to do this....there's not an option anymore.

just a flying visit...

2010-02-17T08:00:00.000-08:00

Just popping in to record class result this morning.

2lb on for me. *sigh*

I will log on later and have a natter about it.

But it kinda worried me that I wasn't emotional about it. I knew it wasn't looking good, I've not had a fab week altogether....but...Humm.
I need a motivation injection.

I know....it's a loss....but....

2010-02-10T06:11:00.000-08:00

I came in about 10 points under for the week, so not too bad....although I fear I've just eaten that in crisps and a sarnie for lunch!! LOL!

1/2 a pound off for me this week. It's kinda gutting, considering I did everything the same as the week before.....but at least it confirms last weeks weight loss, and it wasn't just dodgy scales LOL!

Starting to get seriously pissed off with my Tum. I am going to the docs this week, and see what they have to offer apart from "I dunnoooo".
I have still got everything cut out, and yet I still have enough gas to fill a hot air balloon, and keep running to the loo all the time. (apologies TMI!) Waking up in the night is something to get used to aswell, again, unfortunately.

*sigh*

Things are a little better at home. So we kinda hitched ourselves over that hurdle, although I didn't think we were going to in all honesty.

Will sit and write something worth reading at some point this week.

Keep on sloggin at it guys!!

*hugs*

comfort eating.....

2010-02-06T02:06:00.000-08:00

Things are not good at home right now, you could cut the atmosphere with a butter knife. *sigh*

Money is the root of all evil and may just alter everything.

I am determined to not seek solace in food, like I normally do.

*nod*

sigh

2010-02-04T05:40:00.000-08:00

I am getting pretty pissed off with not being able to find puddings/sweet things to have.

I'm not allowed fat, or artificial sweetener. It's a nightmare trying to find something that is nice enough, isn't coated in chocolate and is value-for-points.

The fat and artificial sweetner are Tum choices....but the chocolate is my own choice. I haven't touched it since September '08. Not one single choc-drop.

I am allowed apples (peeled) and so I am having to put up with that all the time.

I am also struggling with finding lunches. Tuna/rice/pasta seems to be the only option at the moment.
I considered, then bought soups, then found out they have onion/garlic/leeks in, which I am, again, not allowed.

The last couple of days though, the 'Tum issues' seem to be creeping back. So, I dunno. *sigh*
Doctors time, I guess.

One good thing to come out of this weeks experiments, if nothing else, is showing me I CAN last from one meal to the next, without snacking. I tend to wander around the kitchen on the hunt for something to taste...and I haven't done that this week. Mainly because there hasn't been anything for me to have, but also because I am using more points on main foods and don't have the spare points to snack with. Crikey only knows what I'll do when my points-per-day start dropping!! LOL!
Another good thing is that all my drinks have counted towards my daily liquid intake. Nothing I have is caffeinated or carbonated, so that's cool.

I'll be bloody glad when something is sorted, so I can actually get on and enjoy this stupid diet without saying "NO" to anything and everything.

*stamps feet and pouts*

chuffed

2010-02-03T04:09:00.001-08:00

Yup, this weeks upheaval paid off.
5lb off for me today.
One of my biggest losses since I started I believe.

It's been a looooong week!! When I am perfectly on track, WI take for-EVER to come about!!

And so, I am all geared for this coming week! If i can add even 1 or 2 onto that next week, without this week being a fluke, I'll be a happy chappy.

I WANT THE 15s!! *stamps feet*

16:8.5 for now though.
I think the 15s will be mine by the end of February, or not far after. :o)

2010-02-01T03:58:00.000-08:00

Right, last week....weighed in 16:13.5 *shudder*
I was/am determined not to step back into the 17s...it scares the CRAP outta me!!

I get on the scales this morning, for a sneaky peak....16:4.....WTF??!!
9.5 pounds?? That CAN'T be right!!
But anyhoo....it means a loss of some sort, it's in the right direction! So I am grateful....even if it's not 9.5lb!!

The food changes are going ok....getting ever-so-slightly-pissed-off with saying "No, can't have that!" but ya know....I've had a complete turn about with my tum. *GRIN*
No dairy AT ALL! *eeeks!* no milk, yogs, nowt....
No fat at all.
No artificial sweetener. (Which is an ass-ache to be honest...no jellies, no sugar-free sweeties, no chewing gum.....)
No chick peas, butter beans, no garlic, no onion, no leeks....
It's cut my food availability by like 75%
It's hard....
But very do-able.

I have had 5 nights, straight through, sleep. good grief!! It's luxury!!
I don't think I have had a proper sleep for....years.
And instead of going to the loo...*ahem*...9 or 10 times a day (and having to belt up the stairs!!) I am back to once or twice. *nod*

Yes, I may seem sad to have such joy at this, but ya know....it was ruining my life....quite literally. So it's all good. :o)

2010-01-29T04:56:00.000-08:00

Day 3 of hell!! LOL!!

I have cut so much out of my diet, I went in the kitchen yesterday to have a nibble....and the ONLY thing I could have was melba toasts. *sigh*

Good really, though, as alot of foods are 'forbidden' and so I won't touch them.
As soon as someone says I am 'allowed' something I have 6 of them. *laugh*

Another thing I have decided to do is have my points on a WEEKLY basis, rather than daily. I don't know if this'll work, or even if I am allowed to do it, but I am trying it.

I weighed out 100g of sugar in my own pot (As I have to cut out sweetners)....do you realise how fast that disappears??!! LOL ....5.5 points...and it's gone so quick!!
This is the main reason I decided to do points weekly....as the sugar is 5.5 points, but *should* last me a couple/three days. *rolls eyes*

So, Wednesdays points came in at 16 (even with the 5.5 of sugar counted in), Yesterday was 25 (another 5.5 points of sugar counted, but now I realise my downfall, it'll last longer!)
So technically I am still 7 points up for today. I am allowed 24...so not doing too bad.

I am kinda glad I am measuring the sugar, as I had become complacent putting it on my cereal, without weighing it....now I think I know where the weight gain has come from. *nod*. I have cut out coffee too, *sob* so no longer having sugar in that either.

I am going to get my MP3 on in a minute and get on my exercise bike for a while....while I have the motivation.

Next wednesday better show a loss, or I may throw janes scales out the window!!

I WON!!

2010-01-27T04:19:00.001-08:00

Why thank you!!

I got an award!! WOOT!!

Thank you to the beautiful, and completely inspirational Jackie xx (Jalframity)

Her blog is absolutely amazing. I LOVE her style of writing (and I have told her that many times) She makes me laugh, but the things she says, I can relate to completely. She has done fab in her weight-loss journey. Just a wonderful, wonderful lady. *hugs her*

One stipulation of this award was that I had to write 7 things about myself, and then nominate 7 others for the award....so here goes!!

My nominations are....As I can't re-nominate Jackie myself....Or can I??!!

Joy....she has little ones, and I can empathise so much with her blog. She's inspirational. x

Phil...His motivation and zest is contagious. x

Mel...One of the first blogs I started following, love reading day-to-day stuff as well as WW bits. x

Tina...Amazing progress and a great blog to read! x

Karon...Completely inspirational. Her motivation is through the roof....I am jealous!! x

Sue... I use the word "Jealous" so much on this blog. She leads the life I'd love, and her motivation makes me smile! x

Chris...his house sounds like mine....both adults wanting to lose weight, with kids around and a busy lifestyle! Lovely posts about ww and real-life stuff. x

And so....7 things about me??
Humm....

1 - I have 4 children. Ages 15, 13, 12 and 8 (3 boys and a girl)

2 - I have just completed my Teaching Assistant training. I adore working in the classroom environment, but I am too emotionally involved and I am really beginning to wonder if I am cut out for it. I have always worked in the care/people trade....but now I am wondering if I shouldn't just sit in an office and not be so emotionally charged all the time. *shrug*

3 - I need more organisational skills. I am forever writing lists and then more lists of things I have to do. I have spurts of organisation, but it goes out the window after a while, until the next spurt!! LOL!

4 - I am quite crafty. I enjoy making cards and things. I cannot draw to save my life!! Toddler drawings is about my limit...police cars and dogs!! I also enjoy cross stitch and do huge pieces of work to frame on my walls (and for other people) but yet I can't sew properly to even sew on a button!! I love knitting too, but never sit down long enough to get stuck into a pattern anymore. ;o(

5 - I LOVE food. This is why diets don't work for me!! I love tastes, textures. And if something tastes real nice...I'll have 5 instead of 1!!

6 - We have just discovered the joy of camping. We took the kids last year, in a tent, no electric...it was FAB!! Going again this july. I can't wait!!

7 - I have a few tattoos. Well, I have 8. I want more, but want to lose this weight first. I have a celtic circle on my right arm, at the top, with a dragon intertwined into it.....and my daughter says he has shrunk since I lost some weight!! LOL!

So there we are...job done!!

Thanks Jackie *hugs*

ATCHOOOOO!!

2010-01-27T03:55:00.000-08:00

Today is not a good day!!
LOL!

I am sat here sneezing, wheezing and feeling generally crap. I have a head cold thing, and feel like I have a pumpkin head like the dude out of Return to Oz!

I went to class this morning, stayed away from other people as much as I could, and glad I was perched behind my desk to be honest.

How did I do??

4lb ON

*sigh*

Why??

I ate too much. End of.

Friday, Tim had the day off. It's been a whole year since we had our first date...awwwww.....and He took the day off to take me back to the coffee shop and resturant we went to on our first meeting.

Enough of the awwwww-ing....I had fish and chips....and I ate it all. It was lovely, I felt guilty as the first chip went in....and then forgot it. *rolls eyes*
And so the days went on, without me getting back to it. And the 4lb is definately warranted.
Yesterday I even did the one thing I vowed not to do....I went shopping and purposefully put stuff in my basket to eat myself....before the kids/Tim got in the house. I even hid the wrappers....*hangs head*

Anyway. I knew it was going to be a gain this morning, but I woke up motivated this morning, stuck my thumb out for the arriving wagon and hopped back on.

I am now HALF A POUND under my next stone bracket up....I AM NOT GETTING THERE!!!!
I vowed when I dropped to the 16's that I was NEVER EVER EVER going back to the 17's....I MUST keep to that.

The other thing that is happening today is that I am having a complete overhaul of my foods. I had lots of 'tummy issues' before I went into hospital for my op. The doc was like "Oh yes....as soon as you have your op, they will vanish!"....erm.....Nope!!
The issues carry all the traits of IBS.
I may have spoken about this before....but I was diagnosed with IBS many moons ago, maybe in my 20s. But in all honesty, my eating was so out of control, the fact I had symptoms was a no-brainer really, and so I don't take the diagnosis as 'official'.
My eating got healthier when I joined WW....but the symptoms stayed....Doc said it was because I was eating 'healthy/fibre-foods' and passed it off....then I was diagnosed with a stone-packed gallbladder...."ah yes" says he...."that'll be the cause of your symptoms!!"
Gallbladder is now gone....symptoms still here. Silly doctor!!
So I have read up on it, both online and in health official books....and there are various things in my diet that trigger IBS....If, indeed, that's what it is.

And today is the day they all get cut out. Quite literally.
It's not going to be easy, as there are some 'healthy' foods that are a no-go....so I may need to change my whole way of thinking and meal-planning.

The up-side of this is that I am hoping it'll reduce my points, make me look more carefully at what I am actually eating...and focus me a little more and make me slightly obsessive for a while....and that's what I need, I feel.

Hummmm

2010-01-20T06:09:00.000-08:00

...And Humm again.

I'm baffled.
I've been good all week....and put on a pound this morning.
Ah well, never mind.
The leader is convinced it's catch-up-and-bite-your-ass-weight from xmas time....but...meh, still makes me feel a bit pooh.

Anyhoo....back to it again.

I am determined to be rigid about points this week, so that if it is xmas weight biting me, I can hopefully put it to bed and get on with the rest of this year!!
I have a new battery in my scales, as it was a little tempermental last week, and some of the time I had to guess-timate with my pasta, which wasn't ideal.

However, the first downfall of the week....and I knew as soon as I bought them it was a bad idea....WW Peanut bars. Humm.
1.5 each.....all gone before I'd even gotten home from class.
Ah well....7.5 points.
I don't have breakfast on a Wednesday, so it was cope-able....thank goodness I only bought one box!! LOL!

I am going to get my ass in gear about this exercise malarky. I have to. It seems food alone just isn't cutting it anymore.

Who'd-a-thunk-it??

2010-01-17T23:51:00.000-08:00

That Celebrity Big Brother would come up with a saying that sticks in your head and makes you want to put it up on the kitchen cupboard!!??!!

I don't watch it habitually, so don't hold it against me....mmmmmkay? *Laugh*

They are all sat around the table, eating a chinese meal, the fortune cookies come out, some have proverbs in them, some tell the 'inmates' they are up for nominations.....

One person opens his....reads it...and it stuck in my head like araldite!!

"Do not be afraid of moving slowly.....be only afraid of standing still."

Humm.

What a magic saying!

Random notes....

2010-01-14T04:48:00.000-08:00

The enthusiasm is still here....Thank goodness.

I desperately need to get some exercise. *nod*

I was considering doing some pictures, ya know, to do the progress thing, but I feel so bloated and frumpy right now, I don't think I could bring myself to do them. *barf*

I may, however, do some measurements later on. I found the little notelet I put my 2009 measurements on. I need a 2010 base to work from.

Just a random note...I am considering starting another blog up to display my cards I make. I need to learn how to put pictures on here, in the right places and the right size.
I wish there was a way of exercising when I am sat at my table crafting!! LOL!

Humm...the heating has gone off and I have cold hands....

I am off to make a coffee. ;o)

Snow, snow...go awaaaayyyy!!!!

2010-01-13T04:05:00.000-08:00

I finally got to weigh officially this morning. At last!!

We had another snowfall last night....about the same as last week, but it seemed like people are a little more 'down-to-business' this time thank goodness. The roads were slushy, but open, and the schools were attempting to open.
My youngest sons junior school was open at normal time, but the senior school opened at 10:25. (What a stoopid time!!)
Anyway, I took the younger one to school, then took the others with me to class. Class finished at 11am...but hey, I had to work, so the school can be messed about too, in return!! *nod*

There was only 2 helpers at class, and our leader, so Joan did the greeting/new members and giving weight cards....and I did all the money side of things with the shop and clerking. Leaving Jane to do all the weighing and the talk etc.

How did I do?
Well, at weigh in on the 23rd December '09, I was 16:8....today I weighed 16:8.5...so a gain of 0.5.
I was a little miffed about it, having weighed on Tims scales and getting a 16:6....but I guess his scales are slightly out, as I was 16:6 on his on Monday aswell and I have been wonderfully good....so I will remember the 2lb difference in future when I jump on them to SP. LOL!

Having been amazingly stuffy-faced over the xmas/new year period, 0.5 'aint so bad....and makes me pleased that I got re-focussed and back into it as it may well have been worse today. I KNOW I'd have put on some, so I am taking it as a good thing that I may well have lost a little before going back to class, minimising the damage. :o)

And so...my 2010 starting weight is 16st 8.5 pounds.

That means I need a loss of 4st 8.5 pounds (64.5 pounds) to get to MY goal. (Not the WW goal)
I have got 12st in my mind as a re-assessment point, where i will ask myself if I want to go lower, or stay as that. I will almost guarentee I will want to go lower, but it's a nice goal to aim for, for now.

I stood the other night and weighed up 1 point bags of raisins. (20g) so that I can have a munch if I am in a picky mood. I've bought in my french fries and I've made up my zero-jellies in my old muller-light pots and they are in the fridge....I am good to go!!

Crikey, I am so glad I got my head sorted....I was in a downward spiral, where I was physically buying stuff for me to sit and stuff. It wasn't even a case of me going into the kitchen and spying something...I was actually going shopping and purposefully buying rubbish!! *sigh*
Anyways....tis all good...as they say.

I am not 100% if swimming will happen on Friday as planned (with the kids) as the road the pool is on, is a very minor one, and it at the top of a heeee-ooooge hill...so swimming is weather/snow-pending.

Something's clicked....

2010-01-11T12:44:00.001-08:00

Something's clicked....don't ask me what it is...I can't pin point it....but it's happened!!

Thank Fook fer dat!!

I am 100% back on track, weighing food, writing it down...and no desire to run out and buy the local sweet shop out.
I feel back 'in-the-zone'.....please oh WW angels...let it last!!

We are forcast more snow here Tuesday evening/Wednesday morning...I'll be spitting icicles if class is cancelled again. I REALLY need to get there.....I may even go over to Mum's class if I have to....saying that, it'd do no good as hers is on a Monday night, and that's almost at next week already!

Determination is at the max.....now all I need to do is get exercise into the mix.
I am taking the kids swimming on friday....maybe I'll get back into going alone aswell. I haven't been since the op. Scary!

Give me sweetness!!

2010-01-08T03:28:00.000-08:00

Ok, in an attempt to curb the sweet tooth that's gotten hold of me, I am sat here munching meringue nests!! LOL!!

I bought the Rosemary Conley magazine this morning. It has a nice little recipe book in the middle which I briefly scanned as I was walking around Tesco.....she works on the low fat element of things, and list Cals/fat of everything....so I figured i'd have a nosey.....
It says about' losing 5lb in a week' on the front cover, so I will have a read of that....I'll scream if it involved exotic (read - expensive) fruit smoothies and salmon for breakfast!! LOL!

It's only Friday, but I am desperate to get back to class. Weighing on Tim's scales just doesn't cut it and it was 2 days before xmas for my last official WI.

Another thing I need to do....get pictures and measurements. *cowers in the corner* I had some taken last year *shudder* and in the summer but it'd be cool to compare. It'll also be nice to have some to compare to this time next year :oP

Is it the weekend yet???

2010-01-07T05:32:00.000-08:00

So, i get to 20.5/24 points yeaterday evening....and suddenly i am munching my way through a packet of digestive biscuits that have been annoying me for days in the cupboard. Ah well....15 points was the damage (10 biscuits @ 1.5 each)...I am not sure whether to write it off....or claw back the points through the week....we'll have to see how my days go, and if i can grab a couple here and there I'll be happy!

On Sunday, I decided to cut caffeine out of my diet. I thought it may be an attribute to my unhappy tum....
Bad news is that it seems not to have helped my tum. :o(
Good news is that I seem to have a nice bit of energy....and it feels like...erm....'natural?' energy...if that makes sense.

I have been trying to get the house somewhere close to a decent tidyness. Which is like using a bucket with a hole in it to bail out a sinking dinghy to be truthful!
The kids have decided that now that I am actually capable of activity now, that they are going to be the biggest lazy arses in Bristol!
I am bubbling about it for now....but little by little they are just realising that the treats are not as forthcoming as they'd like! *nod*
Kids...eh?

The up-side of the lazy-arsed kids....is that I am doing lots of 'up and down the stairs' and hoovering and sorting and walking around...etc etc.
This can only be good with regard to movement/bonus-points/toning.

And so, nowt more to report for now....I am enjoying getting back into 'blog-world'....tis very motivating!! :o)

Although I am finding it rather annoying when I reply to a post/comment, that I can't track it.....humm. All hints/tips welcomed.

E=Mc2.....or something like that!!

2010-01-06T07:11:00.000-08:00

Ok, I just sat with ye-olde-calculator and worked out 2010 weight goals and whatnot.

Meeting was cancelled today due to the snow.....of course, Bristol has grinded to a halt with a flurry of snowflakes!! LOL!
When I weighed 2 days before Christmas, I was 16:8. 232lb.
When I had a blast on Lisa's Wii the other day, It weighed me as 16:8 also....I was slightly chuffed!! ;o)
With todays meeting cancelled, I was a little nervous, but I remembered Tim had been given some sparkly new scales as a presie....so I unpacked them and hopped on! (minus my jeans! Do you know they weigh 3lb!! :O )
It measured me as 16:6...which I was pleased with, but my official head won't let me accept it as a proper weight as it wasn't digital, it didn't bleep and it wasn't in the WW hall!! LOL!!

And so....230 pounds.
I want to get to 12st (And then re-evaluate everything) and so I have 62lb to go to reach that goal.
VERY achieveable by next New Year!

This time last year if someone had said that to me, I'd have laughed. 62lb?? ARE YOU INSANE??!!
But you know....I've done 56lb already.....62 is just a little more of the above (Minus admissions to hospital and organ removal operations!!LOL!) and we'll be cooking with gas!!

62lb....52 weeks....5lb a month?
I'm tempted to move the time a little closer, but I won't. I need to feel like this is going to be an easy (ish) run, not a guelling slogg.

On an unrelated-ish topic....we walked to the garage/co-op this morning for bread/milk supplies...instead of taking the car...It's only about a mile round trip, but it's the first proper bit of walking I have done since the op....I even ran after one of the kids with a snowball....and it felt great. I need to do it more often. I was really energised when I got in.

We bought biscuits at the shop, with the intention of having some when we got in with a hot cuppa.....I had 2, then decided to point/calculate them (I was going to cheat...bad Manda!!) 1.5 EACH!! No, no, no!! I had a cruchy apple instead of carrying on munching them. Humm.

The thought of being at goal this time next year.....and we ALL know how fast that'll be here!!...is on my mind all the time....I must stay foccused now. I must.

I was busy catching up on posts....

2010-01-06T06:49:00.000-08:00

....when I came across a post...
... where a song/poem had a profound effect on someones life.
...where a line was drawn between sitting and accepting things as they were, good or bad....and getting up and saying "You know what world...I'm fighting back!!"

This is my poem.....It's on my kitchen cupboard door, and I meld it to every aspect of my life.
I suffered severe depression for many, many years, I don't think it ever goes away to be truthful, it's always there ready to pounce when times get hard....but I know I hold the key to the box it's in. :o)

And so.....

Chapter 1.

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost…
I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I cant believe I am in this same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in… its a habit.
But, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter 4.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter 5.

I walk down another street.

“There’s a Hole in my Sidewalk“
by Portia Nelson

"Does my ass look big in this??"

2010-01-03T12:11:00.000-08:00

I've been a good lickle weightwatcher the past couple of days.....and my friends Wii says I am at 16:8....which is the same as when I weighed in on the 23rd Dec. Maybe if I am good until Wednesday i'll go in with a loss. *fingers crossed*

With the risk of sounding like I did when I first started this journey...

I went to buy myself some new trousers the day before yesterday....off I went to the changing rooms....OMG...full length mirrors....CRAP!
I felt like absolute crap as I stood there trying on a pair of jeans. It was only the fact that I had my daughter in the same cubicle as me that stopped me from standing there and falling apart in tears.
It's the same emotion I had when I first started. Complete and utter self-hate.
It feels shite. To be blunt.

There was a stage, back in the summer, where, maybe mistakenly, my confidence was a little higher than it'd been in a long while. I *thought* I looked reasonably ok in my trousers and a fitted t-shirt....now I wonder what the hell I was thinking!!

So yes.....my motivation for losing weight is back with a vengeance....an evil vengeance.
And in all honesty, it won't be a bad thing for the for-see-able future....it might get some of this stubborn weight off.

I'm reasonably fit enough now, after the op, to maybe brave it back in the pool for a while....not so much on the water-aerobics....but maybe a few gentle laps on my own. And there is nowt stopping me from starting a little walking regime.

It's also time to start job-hunting. I passed my course with distinction before Christmas, and so now I am a qualified Teaching Assistant.
However, my mind is swaying towards working in the care industry again.....which is the career I chose upon leaving school, and bits and pieces while the kids have been growing up.

I'm a little mixed up as far as jobs are concerned. I love working with the kids, but I am far too much of an emotional person, and find it hard not to get too involved.
However, with the care industry, working with the elderly, infirm and disabled, I am allowed to get involved. In fact it makes me a better carer. I want to treat those people in need, like I want to be treated when i'm going to need care in my older years. Some people I have known in the past have done it as a 'passing phase' kind of job or because it pays the bills....but I genuinely would do it voluntarily...if I could have.

So yeah, now the op is out the way, I'm almost mended....it's time to get my life in order.

*nod nod*

Resolutions??
Nah, none really....just to get my head around this weightloss business...maybe to feel better about myself again....and hopefully get to goal by next Christmas....or closer to it.

Same as every year since I was about 17!! LOL!!

Hi Hunni....I'm hoooome!!

2009-12-26T14:22:00.000-08:00

Ok, it's Boxing day-night.
I haven't updated since early novemeber. I am bad. I apologise!
I had my op, it was scary, really scary, I have to admit, but I did it, and it's over with. I have had a few problems whilst healing.....awkward stitches, and keloid scarring, but nothing I can't get over. I am having a few issues with muscle healing, but that's just a time-thing.

As far as WW goes.....I had 3 weeks off. And in 3 weeks, I stuffed my face so much, accompanied with no exercise at all.....
I had yo-yo'd so much the weeks before my op, and then 3 weeks off....I was actually scared to go back to class. But back I went.....7lb on.
I got a new card, a new tracker book, and I seemed to have a newfound motivation.
I went this wednesday just gone.....2lb down....I cheered! It was so nice to see that loss on my new card.

Then came Christmas eve!! LOL!
I did a party tea for the kids, and waved goodbye to the ww wagon!!
Xmas day, the wagon was nowhere in sight.....
And today I munched sausage rolls and cakes....

But I feel pooh, bloated, lethargic and guilty.
The food was lovely, don't get me wrong, but I somehow feel dirty......and feel the need for 'clean' food.
And so....Monday is the day....I am forgetting 'doing-it-in-the-new-year thing....I have to do it asap.

This year will end with me losing a total of 54lb. (Even though I have been pretty much off-track since August when I was first admitted to hospital.) It has seen me cry, laugh, scream in both anger and joy, but in the end I am still 4 stone less than this time last year....and I am grateful....massively.

I can't wait to let rip with my motivation-mojo again and get back into it, complete with exercise.

Again, I am going to try and keep this damn thing up to date....I am a slacker, I know.....if I slack again, feel free to nudge me!!

Oh, and if you are on facebook?? Add me?? Mandabee@live.co.uk

Quickie shorts....

2009-11-06T04:37:00.000-08:00

New date for op - 25th november.

Back up to 16:6 now....I got a sniff of the 15s, but it wasn't to be!!

Once op is over, and re-coop is over, I can get back to swimming/exercise..... and back on track.

Feeling pooh.

Beg, beg....grovel....

2009-10-21T05:16:00.000-07:00

Ok...here we bloody go again!! LOL!!

I have been kinda off track for the past few weeks. Generally in a feel-sorry-for-Manda-mode...and I have played around with the same 3 or 4 pounds...on a bit, off a bit....

Something clicked this morning, and I am back in the zone, as it were.

I went shopping straight after class, for soup veggies....I am determined to be in the next stone bracket asap!!

And so, another promise....to update this thing on a regular basis again...

I miss you all!! Any gossip? Any links to post I need to read??

xx

Moment of truth....

2009-09-30T09:29:00.000-07:00

Well.....2lb off this morning.
I was hoping for more....but ya know....i'll go with that. *grin*
I have tracked well this past week, and feel like my head is back in the game.....so next week HAS to be good!!

One thing I must mention though.

I help out at class now....I have done for a few months. It's fab! I absolutely love all the people there. Some of the helpers are older ladies, and may be a bit ...erm.....bossy, shall we say....about a few things....but all in all, it's a fab meeting and all the members are all friends. It's grand.

But....

I am a clerk....so I sit and take all your money, give weekly stickers, sort out monthly passes, dish out info on whatever subject needed.....

But I miss the 'meeting'.

I miss the comradery.
I miss the motivational speak.

I am so busy with my head in a paper full of figures and counting up money and whatnot....that I miss the most vital thing about weightwatchers meetings.

*sigh*

I wish there was another one during the day, so I could attend as a member. Where I could get hints and tips, recipes....and pats on the back when I do ok.

Ah well.
Giving advice to others and seeing them succeed, boosts me, so I guess I can't have it all!!

And I have you guys!!
You are all MY 'meeting'. Hehe!! 7 days a week!!

WI tomorrow.....

2009-09-29T11:41:00.000-07:00

WI tomorrow and I am still on track!! YAY!! GO MEE!!

I have had stew type thing tonight. Quorn, leeks, carrots, garden peas, oxo and a potato......4 points for the pot. Scrummy!!
My sneaky peak shows me under 16 stones....I was 16:3 at class last week.....but we all know that sneaky peaks are baaaaad and home and class scales seem to be at war with each other, and never show the same!!

It's been nice to have my head back in the game this week. Losing focus on the weight loss thing made me lose focus on other areas of my life again. Most strange.

I actually started shying away from Tim this week. The phrase that was in my head was "If I can't like myself...how the hell can he even remotely fancy me?"
I walked past a window last week....glancing across, it shocked me. Walking all stooped because of my tummy pain is not flattering at all. I felt all old, decrepit and completely NOT sexyish.

And so....yup...back to it.
See you all tomorrow afternoon/evening when I report in for after-WI-duty. Hehe!

Strange innit?

2009-09-29T00:07:00.000-07:00

Strange, how the day before WI....you suddenly start doubting yourself for the weeks past possible mishaps!!
I have been well within points this week, absolutely no reason for a gain....and yet I sit here, 24 hours before the moment of truth thinking..."EEEK!!"
Please, 'Angels of the Munchies'....watch over me tonight, DO NOT allow me to go anywhere NEAR the fridge tonight and spoil my week of hard work!!

*laugh*

Pointing

2009-09-25T12:47:00.001-07:00

I am on day 2 of strict pointing again.

I have to admit, it feels somewhat wierd to be back into it.

I am allowed 25 points as it is, but I used 22 yesterday and only up to 21 today so far.
I am not stressing about not making it up to my points as I am not very active at the moment....so maybe I need to redo my points questionaire anyhow.

I am fairly restricted with the things I can eat at the moment health wise. Pretty much no fat at all, not much dairy, and nothing too 'heavy', whatever that means. I am taking that as bread and potatoes.
While a low/no fat diet is good for me, and the ww lifestyle, it's restricting the actual amount of foods I am able to have. And that's something I am finding hard.

I am allowed chicken fillet, white fish and vegetarian mince....that's about it on the the meat/fish front. I am able to have rice and pasta, and small amounts of potato.
And so...meals have been pretty bland.
I am not complaining if it keeps me out of pain.
I need to find out some more recipes though.

The thought of getting a little more weight off before my op is quite an incentive.
My last consultation with the doc was one I have to keep reminding myself of.
My op, in smaller peeps, is a routine, laproscopic operation, keyhole surgery, where I am a day patient, with between 2 to 6 of weeks recovery.
However, as he pointed out, I am of the larger variety, and there was a possibility that they may not be able to do it keyhole, and may choose to 'open me up' to do it.....resulting in 'months' of recovery as oppose to weeks.
I am not sure at which weight or size they decide to do it one way or the other, but I figure if I can even get half a stone off before I go in, then it'll be advantagious.

All I can do is thank goodness I have gotten 4.5 stones off.....I am sure at almost 20.5 stones, they may have not considered keyhole surgery.

And so, I will work my hardest to keep my food as good as possible. I know weightloss without exercise is harder, but it is very do-able.

I am going stir-crazy not being able to do the things I want to do....and so it'll do me good, mentally, to have something to focus on.

wave

2009-09-23T05:32:00.000-07:00

Ok, what's new with me?
nothing really.
Still waiting for a date for my op. I have a pre-op thing on the 13th of October, and after that is anyones guess really.

I went to class last week and lost 2lb....went this week and gained 3! EEK!!
I am not eating tooooo badly, but the lack of movement is obviously an issue.
Also I haven't been tracking, so I desperately need to get back to that, in a big way.

I remember back at the beginning, I didn't do any specific exercise and I still lost through diet alone, so maybe I need to re-focus like that.

I'll get my book out tomorrow morning and get back into the habit of writing everything down.

I had a bad episode last night, I thought it might have landed me in hospital again, but I managed to control it with pain killers I have here.
So, today I feel fragile, achey and groggy.

My state of mind isn't great, which doesn't bode well for the diet-train.
I feel useless about pretty much everything. I can't go to work, I can't do anything in the garden, I can't walk too far, I can't eat the foods I'd like to......*sigh*
I need to get out of the "Feeling-sorry-for-myself" rutt.

All I can do is wait for the op and then the recovery time....and then fire at it all blazing once it's all out of the way.
I aimed to be somewhere near target by this Christmas coming....that obviously isn't happening. *cry*
However....I mustn't forget in the grand scheme of things, I am halfway to goal, and a year ago, I'd not even have thought that possible.

I hope you are all well!!
*hugs to everyone*

Checkin in for a sec.....

2009-09-06T12:13:00.001-07:00

Thankies for the well wishes!

I haven't had a date for the op yet....it's like waiting for a birthday card....watching out the window for the postie to come!

Big_mummy....believe me....the diagnosis for gallstones is really not a good one....the only way they will test is if you have a flare up....on a pain scale of 1-10....I said 12!! It was honestly worse than childbirth!

I have had a couple of flare ups this past week, which has meant getting the doctor out, injections of pain relief and days upon days of sickness due to the anti-biotics I am on.....

Bah!!

I will catch up with everyone soon, I promise!!
I hope you are all well, and shedding those pounds!!

2009-08-31T09:36:00.000-07:00

Not alot to say today, as I am not on long.

I have been in hospital. I was admitted with sickness and excruciating abdominal pain on Saturday night.
After examinations galore, blood tests, morphine, scans, x-rays and feeling generally like shit.....the diagnosis is Gall-stones. And lots of them.
I have to have an operation to have the gall bladder removed, which although I am not happy about that, it'll make me pain free, and I am up for that 100%.

This also is the reason for pain, bloating, wind, lethergy and generally feeling pooh over the last few months with no diagnosis from the GP's I have seen. It's made the whole jigsaw fit together, in a big way.

While I would give anything to not be in the pain I am in right now, I am glad I have a diagnosis, and light at the end of the relief tunnel.

They did want to keep me in hospital, to wait for a 'slot' in their surgical timetable, but couldn't say for definate if it'd even be in the next couple of days.... but having the kids at home, it wasn't the best solution, so I decided to come home, with pain medication, and wait for an elective, planned, operation when they can fit me in.

As for WW....I am still doing it, although not pointing, just keeping an eye on what I am eating. Anything fatty could trigger another episode like I have had, so I am steering clear of all that.

The pain killers are making me feel light headed and wobbly knee'd....so the gym will be out of the question for a wee while. LOL
I am not sure whether I will come out the other side of this weighing more or less....my appetite is non-existant, but the exercise is also......so we'll see how it goes.
But at the end of the day, once the op is done, and I am recovered, I will be fighting fit and ready to get back to normal.

Hope your weeks are all going to plan.
I'll be back soon, when I can sit up straight enough to type without grimacing.
Love to all
xx

Gym time returns!!

2009-08-21T02:24:00.000-07:00

Just got back from the gym. it feels good to get back into it, although I only did a small amount of stuff as i'd left my eldest at home incharge of the others for an hour. (and it takes me 15 minutes to drive there) I figured a small amount is better than nothing....and I always know (but try to deny) that when I go, I ALWAYS feell motivated to do more!!

The plan was to come home and cut the back lawn, but as I drove home, it started raining....GRRR!!

I put on 1.5 pounds at WI on Wednesday. Thats 6 pounds up on my pre-ill/holiday weight. I am not impressed by that at all....but nowt I can do about it, but get on and get rid of it again.

I am now at 16 st 3.5 lb.
I was in the 15s.....and I am determined to get back there in the next few weeks.

There has been mention of pregnancy between myself and Tim in the past couple of weeks.....not until at least the end of next year, so pleeeenty time to get sorted, but I want to be at goal before concieving.
Blimey, I never thought I'd ever say that again!!
Tis a nice goal to have though.

I am going to get menus sorted out for the rest of the week....including snacks.....not done that before. I've normally only planned meals and left the snacks to choice at the time.....lets see if I have a army-like-regime if it works better. :o)

I am determined to get back to the loss-every-week style that I used to have. Even if it is just a pound or so.

And the reason, apart from the baby stuff, that is giving me motivation?
Because I feel as fat now as I did in the beginning. My tummy is bloated, my arms wobble, my thighs are just disgusting.
I honestly thought I might start to like myself once the weight came off......and I did, for a while, but the old hatred is returning, and so I am hoping the old guts and detmination will also return.

Maybe it's because I haven't been eating great with the illness and holiday times....and not going to the gym, and alsorts of stuff.....we'll see.

I did go through a stage not so long ago of thinking....humm....would I be happy sat at 15.5 stones?? I kind of liked what I'd done and felt ok about myself.
Maybe that's where I went wrong, I sat back on my haunches and slacked.

And so, the fire is back.....at last.

Goals??

Short term -
To get into the 15's ASAP. (3.5 pounds needed)
To get my 4.5 stones lost back....again (4.5 pounds needed)

Longer term -
Get my 75 pounds off. (16.5 pounds to go) -
That'll give me 'over' my 5st lost and make me 15 st 1 lb and chasing the 14s!!

OH...AND.... I had another docs appointment and he said he'll be happy to put me forward for a boob job when my BMI is 35. That, for me is 14 st 7.
Although, I am wondering, if I have a breast reduction....can I still breastfeed?
humm, maybe that needs to be put on a back burner for now. We'll see.

The bloods came back clear of Coeliacs disease, and any intolerance for wheat. Which has me kind of baffled. He said maybe there is something else that is triggering my tummy issues, a preservative/additive or something.....so I will have to keep an eye on it, although I am still staying wheat free....I feel less sluggish and achey when I am off it completely.

(Apologies in advance of TMI...) He also suggested that the next method of birth control I use is Hormone free, as this may have an impact on my weightloss, hair loss/growth and general energy levels. My Depo jab runs out in November and then I have to discuss other options with him.

So yeah....lots going on right now to think about and get my teeth into.
Kids go back to school week after next, and the fun will truly begin!!

Hi Hunni....I'm hooooome!!

2009-08-14T09:05:00.000-07:00

We got back yesterday from camping.....it was...erm....an experience!! *laugh*

Lots to natter about, but not much time due to the stoooopid amount of washing and sorting I still have to do!!

Food wise it was semi-ok.
I found it hard to be wheat free, and when I wasn't, I was doubled in pain by the end of the day. :o(
So when everyone else was having shop bought pasties, crisps and chocolate for lunches, I ended up opting for ham, salad and coleslaw options, rather than all that pastry wheat yucky stuff......so all in all it wasn't major falling-off-the-wagon.

I drank alki-hol almost every evening (I am normally tee-total!!) so I am guessing a few empty points were in that....and we had a few sweeties/peanuts too. But looking back, I could have happily been naughtier!! So i'll pat myself on the back there!!

We came back yesterday, headed straight to the shops to buy fresh veggies for tea.....SCRUMMY!!

I woke this moring full of dieting enthusiasm, and so I am 100% back on track, weighing, pointing and tracking like crazy.

Tim has stepped up and said that he no longer wants different options, foodwise, to me. He's also said (out loud *shocked*) that he is not happy when I feel deprived, and has suggested banning all bad foods from the house for the next few weeks to help me back to the weight loss I am craving so very much. I don't think the kids will be best chuffed about that, but they will have to deal with it, and there is always lots of goody-snacks around and about. :o)

Right, I am off to cook tea.....Steamed cod, mixed veg and jacket spud. YAY!
I didn't weigh-in this week, obviously, as we were away.....so i have until Wednesday to pull it back, and maybe get a loss, if I am lucky and the ww-fairies are watching!! Hehe!

Allooooo!!

2009-08-06T07:26:00.000-07:00

I'm kinda back now. I've done my crying and beating myself up over stuff, and I am back on track.
We go away on Saturday for 5 days camping, not sure how that'll go, but I am hoping I can offset it with lots of exercise and stuff.

The results of the blood test for coeliacs disease came back clear, so I will make an appointment to discuss that a bit further. This one has tested for an allergy, rather than an intolerance.
Tummy has felt a little better since I have been off the wheat and I am feeling less 'heavy'.
I may have to indulge in wheat over the holiday, as I have promised the kids a KFC, and their entire range contains it, even their gravy...so....*sigh*

Tough times....

2009-08-05T10:34:00.000-07:00

Ok, after a fortnight of no class....I weighed this morning.

4.5 pounds on.

I smiled, laughed even, said it was ok, did the "I know why it happened".... but I was gutted inside.

I knew it was my own fault, eating 60 points of biscuits in one go, the odd sandwich, crisps and not tracking has taken it's toll.

I need to literally kick myself up the arse.

Never again will I feel like this while I trying to reach my goal. Once I get there, maybe....but not on my road there.

And so, I am back to tracking, cutting out the bread and made up my snack packs of 2 point treats.

I wanted to write so much here....but the brain has gone blank, and I need some time to mend while I get back on with it.

Catch up time, I guess.

2009-07-31T00:03:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I sat here and actually thought....must do a blog wotsit. Normally I am just flying through and jot down a few things so I don't forget them.

Ok, sowhat's been happening?
Well, I have some sort of cold/flu bug. Whether it was the swine flu thing is debatable, but I sure felt crap, and it's taken me till today to feel anywhere near normal. My head still doesn't feel right, still a little dizzy, but at least I can stand up without having wobbly knees and stuff.

Diet wise, humm....I have been quite good actually. I haven't gone massively over points. However I have eaten a bit of bread (wheat free) purely because it's my comfort food and I have felt rubbish!
I haven't, obviously, been able to get to the gym, and so I feel a little lethargic and in need of shaking away the cobwebs somewhat. I am going to try and dig out the 'Davina workout' dvd's over the weekend and maybe do one or two of those to get me back into the groove.....and hopefully back to the gym on Monday morning.

The kids are on school holidays now. Poor things, they have been stuck in every day....what with me feeling pooh, and the weather being so rainy.

My eldest is going to be gaining some pocket money each time I go to the gym. He'll be babysitting the others.
He's 15, so plenty old enough, but they do bicker a bit....so we'll give it a go next week, see how they get on, if there is no mass injury, then I know it's ok to continue!! LOL

And so, the doctors yesterday morning.....humm....I am of mixed views. the doc seemed a bit like *sigh* with me, as I went in with 4 things I needed to ask about.

1 -
I had blood tests a few weeks back, because I have thinning hair a-top my head - enough for my normal doctor to actually notice at the end of a consultation. (Which made me rather paranoid!) This doc said all test results were normal....but did i smoke? erm...nope....Does anyone around you smoke? erm....nope....Do I work in a smoky environment?? Nope....I was baffled. He shrugged and said...."Next thing I can help you with?" Still I am no wiser, and I am losing hair at a rate of knots!!

2 -
Asking what my BMI needed to be to be put forward for a breat reduction.....
"Erm, I am not entirely sure...erm....humm, good question....Well, i had a chap in a couple of days ago and his BMI had to be 30. i think he was 31 and a half and he had to be 30....*nod nod*....that'll be it....about 30."
ABOUT 30?? I want exact numbers!! I want a goal!! And is a guys BMI the same as a womans for surgery? or even to be referred?
*scream*

3-
I have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. This means my wrists are too narrow to sufficiently supply blood to my hands all the time, and any swelling in my wrists results in instant numbing of my hands. it is a pain in the arse. I have had it for years and years, but only got it diagnosed about 18 months ago. It wakes me up during the night, as it's painful as well as annoying.
Being a crafter, this holds massive problems as very often when I am doing something, my hands will go numb, I have to stop, wiggle my hands, get the feeling back, and carry on. It also means the strength I have in them is minimal aswell.
I had cortisone injections into my wrists about a year ago, and they worked a treat, but he doesn't want to do that again really....so he's given me "Arthrotec" tablets (I am allergic to Brufen) to see if the inflamation can be brought down, and if it doesn't then I may be looking at an operation. Either way it'll be good to have it sorted.

And finally
4 -
The wheat intolerance thing.
I told him the symptoms. He said it could be caused by lots of things. But has taken some bloods to rule out Coeliac disease. The results will be ready in about 3 days or so. he mentioned the fact that I lead a stressy life and I am constantly on the go, and that cannot be too good on my bowel....blah blah....
But we'll see what the results show....if they come back clear, I will be baffled, and I will be going back to explore other possibilities, as I cannot live with my tummy the way it is.
I mistakenly had a packet of cheese puffs (kiddie crisps) the other night, realising AFTER that they had wheat flour in them. *sigh* I woke up the next morning with a bad stomach ache and bloaty feelings. I had been off the wheat for over a week, so my body obviously didn't like that much!!
I wonder, even if I have no intolerance to wheat, whether it does the body good to refrain from it anyhow?

I am still caffeine free. *cheer*

And so, there we go.....times in the life of Manda.

Flying visit....

2009-07-30T00:45:00.000-07:00

Bloody RAIN!!!

ARGH!!

In 9 days we take the kids camping....In a tent....in a field.....YIPES!!

I seem to be over this stoopid flu thing. Just left with a nose that insists on bleeding at the most inappropriate moments!!

I didn't go to class yesterday, I have too many germs to risk the older members of the class.

I have doctors in about half an hour or so. I feel like I am going in there with an arm-long list!! EEK! I am sure there is a limit to the amount of questions/ailments you can fire at him!!

I need to go shopping for fresh stuff today. My tummy is bubbling and is tense this morning, and is screaming out for juicy crunchy carrots and apples!!

Have a good day all!!

Aaaaachooo!! :oP

2009-07-29T02:24:00.000-07:00

Right, the temperature is out of the way.....as is the sore throat and achey body......
However, I still have stupid sneezes and a runny nose.
And so, I decided not to go to class this morning.
Alot of the people are....erm....of the older generation....and so if I passed anything on, I'd never forgive myself.

I was looking forward to weighing this morning. Not because I thought i'd lost, but just to check that my lack of exercise this week hadn't made me put half a stone on. I need to have that 'marker' once a week, no matter if it's a gain or a loss.

I had no way of telling them that I wasn't going to class either. The leader is away abroad on holiday, and I don't know any of the phone numbers of any other helpers.
I am sure they will understand why I didn't go.....but they are probably pissed off right now. :o(

This week hasn't been great food wise, but I have been under points each day.

You have noooooooooooo idea how appealing a sandwich with REAL bread looks when you just can't have one!!

I am still wheat free...and caffeine free. *nod*

2009-07-26T12:55:00.000-07:00

I phoned NHS direct, but apparently my temp isn't high enough for it to be swine flu. (I used the kids forehead thing, I will get a new thermometer in the morning!)

The internet help service gave me a code to go get anti-viral drugs, but the blokie on the phone said I was to just have 'over-the-counter' pain relief and flu remedies.

See how I feel in the morning I guess.
I am not taking anything if I don't have to.

sigh

2009-07-26T08:04:00.001-07:00

One day of feeling better, and I feel pooh again.
This time I have a sore throat, banging headache, blocked nose, and aching all over.
I am having max strength lemsips every 4 hours, but still feeling pretty pooh.
I can't go to bed, as I have 4 kids to see to. I hope they don't catch it, so I have spent most of the day in my room watching tv.

I hope it passes quickly, whatever it is, I want to be ok for class on Wednesday, and the gym, and doing stuff with the kids, as they are now on school holidays.....the thought of being quarantined is scaring me more than a little.

phew!

2009-07-22T05:38:00.000-07:00

I am so glad I am feeling better today....ish....I still have a gripey stomach, but the lethargy has lifted somewhat, and I feel like I can think unaided again!! lol.
Yesterdays food amounted to a grand total of about 13 or 14 points.
Breakfast - Rice krispies/milk/sweetener
Lunch - An apple
Tea - Jacket potato, nothing on.
Supper - Ready Brek.
My tum really wasn't good.....but on the up side, it was a wheat free day to start things off.

And so, today....
Went to class, WI revealed a 3 pound loss.....taking me to 15st 11.5lb....64.5 pounds gone....my 4.5 stone goal reached. YAY!
I have waited for the scales to say 15 for what seems an eternity!!
Now to aim for the 14s!! Hehe! never thought I'd say that!

Not so long ago, I aimed to get to the 14s by the time we went away on holidays, but that's clearly not going to happen, and I am ok about that. I have had a rough month, of which I am over....and I am back on track now. I am chuffed to be in the 15s at least....and I know, once the kids break up from school this week, and we're out and about, it should become easier to exercise and have some fun!
I need to make some more, realistic, goals now, I think I may sit down and think about that.

I went shopping on the way home from class. Stocked up on some wheat free stuff. Pasta, crispbreads and bread. Also had to buy some new stock cubes as Oxo are not friendly and I use them in my tomato based sauces. Knorr are ok, so bought some of them instead.
Wheat free stuff is a bit pricey, but as it's just me eating it for now, it'll be ok, and I'll be able to make it stretch further.
I am looking forward to the diet change to be honest. Another thing to focus on....and hopefully the results will become noticable sooner rather than later.

I also bought Decaff coffee.....

I'm prepared for the headaches and yawns that detoxing brings. *rolls eyes*
It'll be a fun challenge.

Silly NSV

2009-07-21T06:42:00.001-07:00

Oh, and forgot to mention earlier.....

Tim said *his* bottom was getting smaller!!
As, ya know....my ass is no longer my own....apparently!!

*falls off chair laughing*

Tis nice when he notices stuff....he sees me so often that it's probably hard to see a difference, even though there is one sometimes.

*grin*

His present to me today was some money to put in the bank to pay for another months membership for the gym/pool. (And the same next month, so I won't spend it! LOL)
He said he'd love to buy me teddies and clothes....but he knew i'd appreciate the sentiment of the gym money more.
Of course, I got on the defensive when he mentioned it last week....."Am I not ok for you as I am?" "If I stopped losing weight now, would you not fancy me?"
He just sighed, bless him, and said that he'd rather help me to be happy with myself than get me clothes I'll be out of in a few weeks (Sounds like me talking to the kids!! LOL!!) or teddies that I have millions of already, and I am trying to de-clutter the house!!

I have made the kids cakes for later, and jelly and ice-cream.....Tumm is still feeling rough, so I won't be tempted by any of it.
I've only eatern 4.5 points today (breakfast and an apple)....I might look through the freezer later and find something easy on the tum to eat.

Me again ;oP

2009-07-21T02:24:00.000-07:00

I'm supposed to be at aquafit this morning, then on to the gym, but my tumm is feeling rather poorly this morning, and (TMI) need to stay close to the bathroom....*ahem*
I think this is more of a 'tummy-bug' type thing, rather than any specific food I have eaten, as I don't feel too grand in myself.....but it's given me time at home, being mellow to trawl the interweb and locate much needed info.

After putting in the beloved 'google' (and other sites) my symptoms of the last few weeks/months, it's come up with some sort of food intolerance. The windy/bloated-ness is most common with Wheat/Gluten/Dairy intolerance. I have general joint pain, but had always put that down to the over-weight issue rather than food based .....but it creeps up on almost every fact-file I have perused this morning.
So many symptoms can be put in the 'because you are fat' box....it's hard to know what's what......bit like if you sneeze it could be an allergy, a cold, flu, swine flu, hayfever, pepper up your nose!!.....the list can go on!!

With my diet, in general, being so rubbish in the past, I probably put up with the symptoms, put them to the side, and carried on munching sugary foods and bread/sandwiches all the time. *shakes head*

And so, armed with this huge amount of information, and my head is actually fit to pop!, I will have a gander through my kitchen in a while, and decide which foods I am free to carry on eating and which ones I actually need to replace in order to test myself and see if I feel better in myself without wheat/gluten.
I am pretty sure that lots of my 'diet-foods' contain it, so I am going to have to completely re-evaluate my foods for the next week or so.
I also need to find out how long I need to be free of a certain food to see a difference.....a week? fornight? month?

I have also seen caffeine crop up a hell-of-a-lot on many sites. It causes alsorts of issues. I may also see if I can cut this out. I drink strong black coffee most of the day, seemingly un-affected by it, but knowing truly that it does affect me in some way.
When I was breast feeding my smallest lad (who is now 7), I cut caffeine out of my diet completely, as it had an adverse affect on him......I stayed off the caffeine until about 2 years ago, when I started back on it. It won't do me any harm to cut it back out again. I 'like' the taste of coffee, so I will just buy decaff for now.

My body is obviously telling me something ain't right somewhere....now all I have to do is listen to it, and help it sort itself out.

I guess birthday cake is out for me this evening!! LOL

A little graphic....so pass on by if you like!!

2009-07-17T16:32:00.000-07:00

Ok, so my tumm is having issues this past week or so.
Not sure if it's to do with dropping off track, and now climbing back on....or what.
Bloated-ness, extreme windy-ness, and general feeling blergh-ness.

It happened a while back, and I cut out ryvitas at lunchtimes, it seemed to do the trick for a while, but now it's back, with vengance.
I seem to be eating more pasta, and I am wondering if this is the issue.

I'd like to go through my diet and find something that triggers this, but I honestly haven't got a clue how to even start. I mean, how DO you cut various things out of your diet....and for how long? *boggles*

It's starting to make my life a bit of a pain if I am absolutely truthful, so much so I have made a doctors appointment.
But what do I say?
I have stupid amounts of wind??
And what will he say? 'Are you on a high fibre, veg and good stuff diet??'
'Yes' i'll say...
And he'll send me away with a 'it's only natural' bee in my bonnet.
I know he will.

But it's getting to the stage where I have to excuse myself from wherever I am because the pain in my tum is too much to contend with. *sigh*
It disturbs my sleep when Tim is here. (Paranoia and all that *blush*)

We'll see.
I can't get an appointment till the 30th, so a little time to wait.

Another thing I am going to be asking about it a breast reduction. Just to see what the required BMI is for me to be referred to the PCT.

And just to end on a humorous note.....
In the gym this morning....
On the treadmill....
(Which, btw, I run on on a regular basis now!! WOOT!!)
I realised I had the wrong trackies on.....
They wouldn't stay up!!
So I had to do my running minutes with me holding onto them!!
T'was most funny to look at, i'd imagine!
I think I made it as discreet as I could, but it probably looked like I was running with a stitch in my side, as I had my hand on my waist!!

Also, on the not so funny side, because I was running awkwardly, it hurt my shins to run, so I must make a note to check the size on my trousers before I go next time, and get it into my "still fat" head that I am an 18 now....and not a size 24, 22 or 20.

Right, I am headed for bed now.....I have lots I want to say, but my head is so tired I can't remember it all!!

Wednesday already??

2009-07-15T09:03:00.000-07:00

Weigh in this morning, down half a pound. I'm now at 16st o.5lb again.
I need ONE POUND!!
AGAIN!!
That's ok, because it's only the last 2 days I have had my head in the game, so to speak.

I have been a bit rough on my body, food wise. I have even lied/not told 'full truths' to make myself out to be a better person than I am.
BAD ME!

Instead of putting down what I ate on an evening when Tim wasn't here (He checks my book) I just stopped writing it down....simple. *shakes head*

I don't even know why I got stuck, it was just really hard to get back into it again. I think it may be because I had sugar early in on the days I couldn't control myself.
I just became incredibly munchy. For no reason.

And so, like I did when I first started this malarky, like I did when I gave up smoking, I just bit the preverbial bullet and put my head down and got back on with it.

It's not meant to be easy, is it? The easy bit was putting all this crap on myself in the beginning. Time to suck it up, and get to it.

I am angry with myself, as you can probably see, but ya know....I NEED to be angry with myself. Damn right I am pissed off with myself. I worked damned hard to get almost 4.5 stone off.....I am NOT going to throw that away!!
I used to sit here and say that some weeks I didn't feel like I was on a diet.....it felt almost too easy....yeah.....well that's changed.

Summer days....I want ice cream, cornettos....sweets....drinks.....I want pizza, sat in the garden....I want to share birthday cake....

But it really isn't worth it anymore. I know I can't just have that ONE slice, and that's it.....because that one slice sends me home into a binge-fest.

I was right to cut it all out in the beginning and get through.
I tried having a 'little-bit'.....
It didn't work.
I won't do it again.....until I am at goal.

And I WILL get goal.
I have to.
My head is down, I am focused again. I'm planning. I am buying sensibly.
It's all up to me now.

2009-07-09T05:31:00.000-07:00

This morning I went to the gym at 9am. I had 50 minutes in there, before Aquafit started.

I ran again on the treadmill, only for one minute exactly, but I want to try and keep that minute going, walk a bit, and then mix another minute into it. I need to look up how many minutes walking/running I need to do to start off with.....because running on the treadmill isn't as daunting as I thought it'd be.....and because I am facing a wall, no-one sees the boobs going all over the place, and I can just 'do it'.

And so, after having been to work for an hour also, as I sit eating my lunch, I ache a bit. But I like this kind of ache. It means I have done soemthing, I have worked. I have a feeling my legs will ache more later, as I did a little bit of resistance work aswell.

And so, that's my gym stuff done until Monday or Tuesday now, as I cannot go when I have little people with me over the weekend. (And it's inset day for the older ones tomorrow)
I am going to do some time on my exercise bike in my room, and I am taking the kids swimming again tomorrow evening.

Food is getting back on track, the sugar/heroin is pulling out of my system, and I feel a little more in control. I am still very munchy, but I am able to pull myself towards pointed/savoury snacks. I'll get there.

This past fortnight has been an eye opener. I was so, so focused, and to fall off, brain-wise, was a bit of a realisation.
It's also proved, with the half pound gain, that I need to get straight, as these little slip ups DO matter, and WILL affect my progress. I cannot have these little blips and 'get away with it'. I am not that lucky!!

I am aiming for 12 stone, as the first point to sit back and re-assess my situation. This means I am over halfway, and I should be well on the way by Christmas.
4 stones and 1 pound to go. It's definately do-able.

*nod*

Short 'n' sweet....

2009-07-08T14:10:00.000-07:00

I put on half a pound.
It wasn't unexpected, but it's cool.
I am back on track.
I went to the gym this morning.

I RAN ON THE TREADMILL!!!!!! OMG!!!!!

I went swimming with the kids after school and managed to get some decent lengths in.
I am back up to proper points, and I'm going to be glad of 1-1.5 losses a week in future!!

Aquafit tomorrow morning at 10am.
I might see if I can get an hour gym in before Aquafit starts.

I am determined to get the maximum out of this gym stuff.

And completely off topic....
John barrowman....Torchwood......in the nude....on my TV....OMG....*faint*
I wish I was a bloke.....and gay!!

xx

Waffle....

2009-07-07T08:33:00.000-07:00

I went to the gym today!! YAY ME!! I *actually* got there!!
And you know what, I felt ok doing it. Not as wobbly as I was last time I went.....when I was close to 21 stones.
I didn't feel paranoid about the people behind me, because some bottoms in there were bigger than mine LOL!
I did the treadmill, the wave machine, the ski-er, the arm rotation wotsit and something else I can't remember what.
The trainer in there put a program onto my key, gave me a quickie re-joining tour of the machines (Which I was pleased that came flooding back to me, so didn't need too much of that) and off I went. Very pleased with what I achieved before I got a little wobbly and decided to go for a swim to cool/wind down.
Next time I go, I will start with the eqipment I didn't go on today thats included in my program, so I can get a feel for what my body is actually capable of now it's not carrying around my sons weight around me!

My sports bra does not run along the same shoulder tracks as my other bras and so I suffered a little due to the sunburn I have, but it was bearable! LOL!!

Class in the morning, so a nice light tea of steamed fish and mixed veg with maybe a jacket potato, and an early night (to minimise munching!) for the next installment of 'Torchwood'!!

I am kind of back on track, and decided to re-include my treats that used to make up my points before I did the fast track in order for me not to feel deprived.....I seem to be in this for the long haul, and I can't take deprivation very well!! lol
And so I have dragged out my snack box, weighed up raisins, peanuts, cashews and rich tea biscuits into 2 point snack bags and I am good to go!!

Tomorrow may well show a gain, and I am sort of prepared for that, but I am secretly hoping for at least a 1 pound loss to get me into the next bracket, and re-motivated again!

Good luck and hugs to everyone!

Coffudle-ness

2009-07-05T05:06:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a strange few days actually.

Wednesday I didn't go to class. (Long story, but basically I realised, when trying to tax my car online, that it had run out of MOT, and so I was not legal to drive it. MOT booked for Wednesday afternoon, and taxed by 5pm, but still, not in enough time to get to the 10am class and be safe/legal.)

Thursday I went to Aquafit class again. I was hoping to get in the gym, but I need a replacement equipment key, which is £7.50, and I wasn't getting paid until friday morning.
I am working all day Monday, but Tuesday afternoon, all things ok, I will be in there!!

Friday was school fayre day.
I am a main organiser, along with maybe 5 or 6 of us parents.
I took packed lunch into school, knowing it was going to be a long old day. I had bits and pieces as the day went on, but I was repelled from the yogurts I had in there, warming nicely with the temperature! lol
I was outside face painting for some of the afternoon, where I caught the sun, and a nice dose of sunstroke.
The actual fayre was 5-7pm. It was great fun, and we raised loads of money. We got out of the school, after tidy up, and counting monies, at 9pm. (I'd been in sice 8:30am, so it was definately a long ole day!!)
I headed straight for the chinese, where I had Chicken chow mein and a quarter portion of boiled rice. I drank like a fish (water and juice) because of the sunstroke, but generally felt crap.

Not too far off the rails, bearing in mind I had been on my feet all day and had probably earned that in bonus points.

Yesterday, however, I didn't point. Not because I was bad.....I was relatively good. I just didn't 'want' to. I wasn't feeling too grand, the sunstroke headache was still very much present, and the lack of energy was stiffling.
I didn't succumb to anything sweet. I just had on my plate the amounts I felt I needed to make myself feel 100%.

Tim has pointed out that since my 18 point week, I have been a bit 'effed-up' with regards to the plan. 18 points just wasn't enough to keep my brain on an even keel, and I have been a bit scatty since. not being able to focus on the weightloss thing, and not having much confidence in myself at all.
I won't be doing it again. It's nice to have the 3.5lb loss, instead of the 0.5's and 1's.....but if it is going to send me off track, i'll take the slow losses thanking you very muchly!

And so yesterday, I had a 'freedom-day'. I wrote what I ate, but I didn't calculate points and whatnot, so I am not sure if i am over or not. If I am it'll not be by much.

And today? humm....it's a strange one.
I had breakfast, weighed and pointed. Then randomly scoffed a ham sandwich at about 11:45 and an apple.....humm.
I am back to pointing today. For definate.

I am slightly scared about this frame of mind....it is reminicent of falling off the wagon....but I have come so far, I need to get back into it, and re-focus.....and QUICK!!

I think I need to hang in there until I get to class on Wednsday morning and then go from there. If I can pull that off, i'll be fine.
I need to get weighed, realise I am doing ok, get some mojo back, and get stuck back into it ready for the summer coming up.

The gym program next week should give my motivation some boosting, and as soon as this blasted sunburn is gone off my back, arms and shoulders, i'll be back out on my bike again when I am not at the gym.

Hold me to it.....right??
*wink*

waves

2009-06-30T06:00:00.000-07:00

Hi there.
I thought I best get my ass back on here and blogging.
It's been a rough (mentally) week.

I reduced my daily points, and I have managed to do another fast track week, and claw back the points I blew on thursday of last week.
I know it was only 9.5 points, but it was a major issue for me, as I have never fallen off due to bingey/sugar issues before.
And never before have I felt so rough the day after.
It kinda brought it home to be, big styley, how much food influences my mood swings.

This time last year, I was in depression counselling, on meds so high that I forgot how to think straight.
My self esteem was so low, I didn't even have one.
I hated myself, I hated everyone around me, and my world was falling apart.
I binged so much, on sweets, snacks, chocolate, anything that contained sugar. Thinking it would make me feel better. *shakes head*
No wonder I felt so damned crap, if, nowadays, that's what 3 granola bars do to me!!

And so, anyway, the damage was done, I have picked myself up, learnt a VALUABLE lesson, and I am back on track for doing this.
Money has been tight this week, and so some choices of food have not been the best, and have left me wanting more, but I have been within points and doing fine.
Tomorrow mornings weigh in will tell.

I found a picture this morning of me maybe a year or two ago, my son hugging me, as I took the pic on my mobile. My, my, I was shocked. I looked awful!!
Lighting wasn't grand either, but never mind.

I just look like someone has put a pipe in me and blown me full of air!!
However, my son looks, as always, amazing LOL

I am glad I am changing myself for the better.

feeling blergh!

2009-06-26T10:18:00.001-07:00

I feel shit today, to be brutally honest. Mentally and physically.
The first day since I started when I thought to myself...is it all feckin worth it?? Is it??

I KNOW it is. I KNOW where I want to be. But when your brain is arguing, it's hard isn't it?

The reason for this frame of mind?

I ate over points yesterday. With sugar.
Granola bars. Oats and honey. 3 points a piece, and I had 3. And 3 rich tea biscuits before bed....just to add insult to flippin' injury.
31.5 points eaten, when it was supposed to be 22.

Arse.

And today, the sugar low....where my body is deprived once again of it 'heroin'. I am an emotional, tired and bitchy bunny right now, and I don't like it one bit.

Never again will I buy those bars. I don't even know why I put them in my trolley. I knew as soon as I opened the box it was going to be trouble. I knew i'd eat them all.
Tim had two, my eldest son had one, and I scoffed 3 over the course of the evening.

So why, when I was already 7.5 points over....did I have 3 rich tea biscuits (2 points)??
Your guess is as good as mine.

Thank the WW-god that it happened now. I have 5 days to sort it out and get it all back.

I thought I had this mastered. I guess not.

*sigh*

Back to square one.

BRING IT ON!!

2009-06-25T05:46:00.000-07:00

Ok, stop me if I squeee too much...mmmmkay?
And I apologise in advance if this ends up long!!

I am just motivation city right now!! LOL
PLEASE let it last!! LOL

Ok, kids all dropped off at school, Plans were to come home, do e-mails, start ironing, go to work (12 till 1) and then continue ironing, whilst filling/emptying washing machine/tumbler.......right?

So, I am sat at the PC. Clicking around....I thought I'd check out the two local swimming pools to me, to find out about lane swims whilst the kids are at school. When I take the kids, we end up mucking about and stuff, and I can't leave the smallest one long enough to get a couple lengths in.

So I am clicking about, and I notice "Aquafit". humm...interesting. Heard a few peeps on the forums say about that.....*click* Thursday.....at 10am!!

*looks at clock*
It's 9:34.

So here I am, in my front room physically talking to myself....out loud!!
"Ah, I have loads to do here.....I have the ironing....I have to wash up, and I want to do my e-mails....and....and"
"NO AMANDA!! If you want this weight loss, get up off your freakin' arse and do something about it!!....get your bag, get your kit....let's do this!!....you know you want to....you KNOW you will be ok once you are there!!"

And so, I grabbed said bag, and off I toddled!! I got there at 9:50, and there were spaces. YAY!

The class was very cool. Everyone was pretty much in their own world to be honest. I guess they all have their own agenda and whatnot. I was not self concious, because I was under the water. I worked my tooshie off. If I was paying £4 for it, I wanted some results!!

It was fairly easy when we were actually doing it, and I did 4 lengths afterwards, but then I felt awful heavy once I got out!! And I know I am going to ache later on!!

So, I get changed, and come out the changing rooms, and figured i'd ask about prices for gym membership.

Now, just a smidge of background here. I joined the same gym in November 07. I don't know if I was heavier or lighter than the 20.5 stones I started WW at.....probably more to be honest.
I did my induction, I passed all their health wotsits.....
I went for about a month, and cancelled it in the January.
Why?
Everytime I cycled, my knees hit my tummy!
Everytime I even walked fast, I looked like a fryed beetroot with a bucket of sweat over me!
The stepper half killed me.
I was sooooo self concious, I couldn't cope with the mental torture of going.
I guess I just wasn't mentally strong enough back then.

And so.....I enquired about prices, consessions etc.
She pulls my name up. My membership details are still on there, so no need for induction....good news, less cost.
She looks at the picture.....she recognises me. I was one of her first customers buying membership after she started working there!! She is like "ooooh, don't you look different!!" LOL

So, £17:40 for full gym membership. No re-joining fee, no activation fees......like I have never been away!! LOL That entitles me to pool, classes and on/off peak gym stuff.

Sod it.....sign me up!!

*gulp!!*

*panic!!*

And so....my aquafit classes become (so to speak) free, my swims become free and I can go in and out of the gym as I feel.

I feel good!
(Well, apart from the steam roller effect of the aquafit this morning!!)

Just a flying visit!!

2009-06-24T03:35:00.000-07:00

Just flying past as I get back from class and then ready for work....Busy busy!!

I lost 3.5 this morning. A good result, I know....but now I am 1 pound away from being 15 summink!!
ARGH!!

Having mistakenly done 18 points last week (and thank 'effing gawd that's over!! LOL) my leader has said to do 22 this week, and then back up to normal next week.
I guess that makes sense, as jumping straight back up to 25 would surely induce a gain. Which I really don't want.

So, yes, very pleased. running total is 61.5 pounds off.....never to return, ever, ever, ever!!

MUST get my bike back out this week!!
MUST!!
MUST!!

Hope you are all having a good day, will be back later for a natter, no doubt!!

Feeling goooood!!

2009-06-22T05:50:00.000-07:00

I am feeling good....but shhhhh!!
I am chucking a sickie from work today!!
LOL!

I woke up this morning with a few things in mind.
One was to clear the weeds from the drive and the fence that ajoins next door. it looks a flippin' mess, and everytime I drive in, it bugs me!
I also wanted to have a little 'me' time, as I don't seem to have had any in the past couple of months!!
And so, I picked a day when I don't have anything specific to do in school, no appointments/meetings....and nothing that can't be caught up on at some point.
Naughty, I know.

And so, when I got back from dropping the kids off at school, and blagging the sickness card to the teacher (I work at the school my lad goes to....eek!! LOL) I came home, had breakfast, checked my e-mails etc. and set about weeding the garden. By 11:30 I had done almost all of it, and it looks miiiiiles better!!
I know I worked well, I had a sweat on!!

I took all the stuff to the tip (A whole boot load and back seat!! THAT'S how bad the garden was!!) did a little shopping without the kids, came home and have just scoffed my lunch.

GO ME!!

I am going to have a nice hot bath in a minute, with some music on, and no sproglets knocking on the door for a wee, or to tattle-tale on someone!!

I have been positively angelic with the 18 points track this week. I feel really achieved actually, as I have felt like I have actually been on a diet this week!
I had settled so much into the routine of what and what not to eat, that I had forgotten what it was like to 'fight' for this weight loss.
It was nice, in a sadistic kind of way, to deprive my self of the crisps/biscuits that sometimes make up my points allowance. It made me remind myself/think all week of why I am actually doing this! A nice wake-up call I think.
It's almost Wednesday. The rickety scales that I have in my kitchen are showing a bit of a loss, (when they feel like it) so we'll see.

Back to week one??

2009-06-21T10:48:00.000-07:00

You know that overwhelming feeling you had on week one of WW?
Where you're life was taken over by the thoughts in your head of the very next thing you could possibly put in your mouth?

That's me this past 5 days!!

I seem to have devolved into someone completely obsessed with my next meal!!

Wednesday seems so far away!

De-cluttering.....

2009-06-21T01:55:00.000-07:00

I am going out to de-clutter and weed the garden. It does wonders for the mind aswell. looking at something at the end of the day and feelingachieved is cool!!

I have also been doing the same with the house. Trying to minimise junk hoardage!! lol I am terrible....everything 'may come in useful sometime'.

I am trying to up the exercise element at the moment. I am doing an 18 point fast track, and managing to stick to it. *grin* So hopefully it'll show on the scales. I just hope it won't show a gain the week after when I go back up to 25. *scratches head*

I did the Race for Life last weekend, it was fab. Very emotional though, I spent all of the time keeping in the tears, but then lost the plot as I crossed the line. So many people, who have lost so many close friends/family. *sigh*
I ran for my nan (My Dad's Mum) and my Grandad (My Step Dad's Dad) and a friend at school who has just been diagnosed (Breast cancer) and is undergoing a lumpectomy and radiotherapy as we speak.

How grateful I am to be healthy. *Nod Nod*

Happy Summer Soltice. May all your dreams/wishes/ambitions come true.

Have a grand Sunday all.

Back to rambling!!

2009-06-19T09:44:00.000-07:00

Oh, how glad I am to have this place to natter on again!!
I have been on the WW forums this afternoon, scouting around and letting SharonB100 know how I am getting on for the stepping to goal group.

One thing that baffles me....
And I mean this in no way aimed at anyone in particular, just a general observation of posts, conversations at class this week, and how I compare others to myself.

Now, I am an 'all or nothing' kinda girl. I notice so many people who fall off their plan, or have a blow out.....or even 'treat days'.
Then they go to WI, they are grateful for a loss, or a sts, and/or minimal gains.

See, I cannot comprehend this, having never allowed myself to do it. Call it deprivation [as someone else has before] but it works for me.
I have been stuck like glue to this plan. For the first time in my adult life, I have stuck to something for more than 4 days.
Yes. 4 days.
Because I always lie to others around me that I am being good, when actually, I have snuck a chocolate bar, or a bag of donuts. Even if there is some sort of loss at the scales, I have never truly been honest and stuck to any plan. And I have, in the past, lied outright to people who ask me how I am getting on.

This time it has been 40 weeks.....280 days....without anything that has proper chocolate in. [Apart from 2 chocolate flavoured mini-milk ice lollies!!]

My frame of mind is sooooo different now.

I was speaking to a lady at class. She keeps on having sts's, mixed with only small losses.
Every week after class, she has a "No-pointing-Wednesday". She never counts her meals/treats after class. We have a morning class, so lunch, tea and snacks are not counted.
That's 52 weeks a year.....52 whole days of being off track!!...52 days of eating pure CRAP!!
If I was off-track, and scoffing all I liked for 52 days solid....I could put on huge amounts of weight.
And she is doing it, and justifying it.....and then getting assy at the scales because she has been soooooo good, [???] and can't understand why it's not coming off!!??
Her reply to me putting the 52 days together?
If she doesn't have a treat day, she's go 'positively stark raving mad!!'

I guess she doesn't want the weight loss as much as I do.

*sigh* Like I said at the beginning....each to his/her own. I am not knocking it.

My treat days will come. My treat will be in the form of running after the kids, fitting the clothes I want, liking photos of myself.

Treats do not have to be food.

Isn't it strange how different people's minds work?

YAY!!

2009-06-19T03:26:00.000-07:00

I HAZ INTERWEBS!!

I am a happy chappy!!
I have so missed catching up with people and what they are up to!!

Any news?
I am going to catch up on everyone's posts over the last fortnight....but anything outstanding I have missed??

Me? Oh, well, I'm still on the wagon, as it were. Doing ok.
I am back to classes now, as a helper. It was Fab on Wednesday, and gave me such a boost being back there.

I am doing an 18 point fast track this week.
Why?
Well....
I have changed my book that I write in, as the old one was coming to the end. So I re-wrote all my basic point list that I use, into my new book.....and as i was glancing/flicking through my old book, I realised how crap I am at spending my points!!
In one day, a few weeks ago, I spent 10 points on rubbish!! ! 10 POINTS!!
Meringues, Rich tea biscuits, crisps. All reasonably ok, and within my limit, but I can think of better things to have.
Ok, I never go over points, but I am using them ineffectively!
I always moan that the weight isn't shifting fast enough, and that'll be why!!!

So we'll see. This week is going to be hard. I am on day 3 of the 18 points.
I have physically had to put Rich tea bicuits BACK in the cupboard yesterday!!
hopefully it'll give my body (and mind) the kick up the rear that's needed.

I am sitting at 16st 4 at the mo, and I'd like to drop to the 15s if possible.
We go away on Hols on August the 7th, I'd like to be in the 14s by then.

I know it'll be hard, but the last couple of months I have become complacent of this diet thing, and so I need to feel like it's hard work again. i need to feel like I have earned the losses, not take "1lb off" for granted.

Hope everything is well in your part of the world. :o)

xx

ARGH!!

2009-06-12T06:35:00.000-07:00

Sat in the library...no net at home. Not amused.
Will be back on Friday.

Lost 2.5 at the scales-a-la-Tesco this morning. So very pleased!!

Hope you all have a good week, I will catch up with you on Friday

*hugs*

Measuring....

2009-06-10T10:58:00.000-07:00

10/06/09

Calf - 44/17.6
Thigh - 71/28.4
Hips - 125/50
Waist - 105/42
Under bust - 96/38.4
Bust - 115/46
Arm - 41/16.4

Total - 597/238.8

Up against last months.....241.6 - 238.8 = 2.8 inches

10/05/09 cm/inch

Calf - 46/18.4
Thigh - 74/29.6
Hips - 124/49.6
Waist - 107/42.8
Under bust - 98/39.2
Bust - 118/47.2
Arm - 37/14.8

Total 604/241.6

Humm, not as good as i had thought. Now that I have my sums right!! EEK!!

Eek!!

2009-06-10T06:47:00.001-07:00

I am desperately, desperately broody.
This needs to stop.

*nod*

waves

2009-06-08T23:04:00.000-07:00

Good morning all....I figured I had better come and update this thing!!
I have been so stupidly busy, that when I have been sitting down, it's been to collapse with a coffee!!

I weighed in last Friday, another pound off....taking me to 16st 6.5lb. HALF A POUND off my 4 stone...BAH HUMBUG!!
Hopefully I'll get that this week.

I am starting to notice the weight loss myself now......walking past windows and seeing my reflection isn't quite as traumatic as it has been in the past!!
I am also starting to look at 'normal' size clothes in the shops now. Woot!

Points wise....humm....
I keep on going over by one or two points. Most strange.
I get to about 10pm...and I still have to stay up, to either do some college work, or watch something on tv I want to....or because I am crafting/sewing....And I am STARVING. Like, proper belly rumble hungry.
I think I need to review my foods, and how I am spending my points through the day, because it seems silly that I am so hungry on an evening, and not having the points there to cope.
It also needs sorting because hopefully the points will be dropping soon, and I still have to cope with that. So a few habits/issues to review I think.

Strange how different problems arise throughout the journey....none of which I'd even have considered going back 8 months ago!!
And how my eating/cooking/shopping habits have changed.
Shopping today sees me physically putting things back on the shelf having picked them up and reviewed the NV's and finding they are not worth the amount!!! LOL I am a "points-miser"!!

As my last squealing, incomprehensable post, portrayed....I have been asked to be a helper at my WW class.
I had adjusted myself to not going to class, to saving my £18 a month, and going it alone. I had all the 'brain' safety nets in place, had got used to the scales-a-la-tesco......and got in the right frame of mind.
BUT, my road safety only runs, surprisingly, for another week, and then I have Wednesday mornings free again. (Which I was not expecting)
It'll be nice to go back to class, I have genuinely missed going.
And I have missed being accountable to someone, even though my weightloss has continued plodding along without going.
Me going over points this week....even by one or two....is obvious to the fact that it'd be so easy to slip up.
And so, I will use it to get 100% back on track, maybe review my menu, my points, my use of points, and start 'a-fresh' as it were.

Anyway, I digress....As a helper, Jayne (our leader) wants to train me up on all stations, so that when I eventually go for leader training, I will be fully versed on the ins and outs of it all. So, I will be starting on the meet/greet/new members/monthly pass station. It'll be fun....hopefully!!
oh, and I'll get a sash!! LOL LOL

Right, enough waffling....I have to go get the tribe ready for school, and me ready for college and then work.

Hope you all have a good day!!

OMG!!!!

2009-06-05T13:04:00.000-07:00

This post is gonna be full of me waffling!! *squeeeee*

I HAVE JUST BEEN ASKED TO BE A HELPER AT WW CLASS!!!!

OMG
OMG
OMG!!!!

I am so excited!!!!

Pavement professor (Road safety) at school is only on for this Wednesday coming....and then I am done with it. This means I will be once more free again on a Wednesday morning.

The fact that I will get free meetings means that I won't have to worry about the financial side of it anymore!!

OMG
OMG
OMG!!!!!

I was only joking with my Mum the other evening about going for being a WW leader!!

Jayne (My class leader) is all excited about having me on board because the other helpers are older ladies, and it'll be cool for her to train me up in everything to do with the meeting......and when I mentioned being a leader, she said I'd be great!!

OMG
OMG
OMG!!!!

*runs off squealing!!*

Where's the week gone??

2009-06-03T12:30:00.000-07:00

So, tomorrow is thursday. Normally a fish and veg day as it's light and yummy for the day before weigh in on Friday.

Very strange not to go to class this morning again.

Although I have had a stoooopidly busy day today, so the day was gone before I could blink!

I did Road Safety with the kids this morning....then dinner lady for an hour....then teaching Assistant in the afternoon!! *blink blink* LOL

I went shopping at iceland and got a few freezer bits....then home, cook tea and collapse.
I dozed for about 10 minutes, then woke up with a new zest...and off I went to hoover the stairs and landing and spring clean the bathroom!!

I feel like my feet haven't stopped!!

Ah well, I am not knocking the energy burst, as it gets results!!

I have gone over by about 3 points today.
I thought my rice was 1 point per 75g (The same as pasta)...BUT it was 1.5.....and so once I had a yog and then written everything down....I was over by 3 or 4 points....
I'm a bit pissed off....but I was hungry, and the points over were on rice...not anything bad.
So it's ok.

I am off to finish the kitchen chores....then try and get an early night.
I am not sleeping well at the moment. my brain is a bit on overdrive.....*sigh*

nod

2009-06-02T15:54:00.001-07:00

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, its about
learning how to dance in the rain."

- anonymous

Goals...

2009-06-02T13:16:00.001-07:00

Sat here thinking....I don't actually have any goals. Weightwise. Small goals I mean. I made some provisional ones a couple of weeks ago. But now I am resigned to doing it alone, I'd like to have some put down properly.
I was 20st 6lb to start with. (BMI 49.1)
So, my weigh now.... 16st 7.5lb (BMI 39.7)
So, I am sitting at 54.5 off to date.

I need 1.5 for my 4 stone marker.
I am hoping I can do that this week. (BMI 39.5)

5.5 pounds takes me to the 60lb-lost marker. (BMI 38.8)
I can do that in the next 3/4 weeks.

8.5 pounds and I get into the 15s. OMG I am so excited about that!! (BMI 38.3)
I would like to achieve that by, lets say 10th or 17th July. That gives me 5/6 weeks. 1.5 ish a week. It's do-able. I think.

I need to get this exercise thing whipped.
Now I have the bike, and more energy for swimming etc...I think I can do it!

I also need ideas for music to listen to....any ideas??
Pleeeeease??

There we have it....my goals.
It's my Birthday on the 21st July....I'd like to be in the '15s' by then for sure.

I don't like putting date goals on things. Too much pressure....But I am beginning to understand the need for them now I am on my own.

Vrooooom!!

2009-06-02T06:20:00.000-07:00

Argos is about 3/4 mle away. Not really hilly ground, but enough to notice!!
I got there and back on my bike!! WOOHOO!!
I am not sure how many calories burnt....but I think I have lost 2lb in sweat since I walked in the door!!
I didn't even get a bead of sweat whilst puffing and panting....but since I walked in the door...I look like someone has lobbed a bucket of water over me!! LOL

I am really pleased, and quite energised even though my legs feel like marshmallow!!

The kids want to go swimming tonight too!! I am gonna die!! LOL

Today sees a COMPLETE 180 turn of frame of mind since yesterday.

Yesterday I was extremely bitter and resentful of my diet.
I wanted southern fried chicken for tea.....which I had....but I was flippin starving and wanted 2 bits, but wouldn't 'spend the points' on a 3.5 point piece of tiddly chicken!! *laugh* (I am laughing now...but I was flaming angry last night!!)
I bashed things around the kitchen. I yelled at my points book and generally made a complete arse of myself!!
I didn't want to be on a diet!! I didn't want to point!! I didn't want to have to put so much damn planning into my meals!! I wanted to say I was happy the weight I was!!

Yesterday was soooo stressful.
I had meetings, work, little-ones swimming lessons, paperwork to complete, figures to work out.....and the food thing was the last straw, and I lost the plot a little.

I am glad Tim was here, as even though he didn't say anything, he watches over me.
And so, I had one piece of chicken, some zero veg and some no-butter/milk mash potato.
It was ok, it didn't 'hit the spot' but it served it's purpose.
Half an hour later I told my lad to put washing up liquid over the remaining piece of chicken....and it eased my mind.
I had zero jelly for afters and a yogurt....and I went to bed at 22.5/25 points.

And so today.
An afternoon of no work, and no kids.
I have a billion and one things I have to do....but all can be done when the kids are about.
The bike-riding cannot.
And so, after I came home from college, I had my lunch, waited half hour....and off I toddled.
I reserved a bike-lock at Argos....then I had a goal to get.
I was a little nervous of the brakes.
(The last time I was on any form of 'bike'. I was 19 years old, on a motorbike, where my brakes seized/failed, and I had a 40mph crash, breaking both my elbows!!)
Anyway, i was fine!!
I got to my destination, got my lock, and pootled home a different way, meaning I did a full circle....about 1.5 miles....ish!

*GRIN*

I think I may go swimming once I get the kids from school, as it'll help ease any riding-aches that may appear!!

Tea tonight?
I haven't got a clue....as I haven't planned meals.
BAD MANDA!!
I'll go nosey in the freezer!!

*waves*

I DID IT!!!!!!!!!

2009-05-31T13:24:00.000-07:00

I RODE MY BIKE!!!!

WOOOHOOOOO!!

J (My eldest) Helped me master my gears and whatnot, and we raised my handlebars a little.

Last time I tried riding a bike, I swear my legs were like jelly after 100 yards...I was so out of breath I had to physically think about my breathing to slow it down!!

This time I wobbled for the first length of the road, and then I was fine!
No out of breathness....
The only issue was a bit sore in the *ahem* department....but I'll have to get used to that!! LOL

*HUGE GRIN*

June?? WHUT??

2009-05-31T11:21:00.000-07:00

June tomorrow!!?? WTF??
I've just put the xmas decorations up in the loft!! LOL

This weekend has been cool. Glorious weather!

We managed to get the tent out in the garden to see how it goes up. We're going away in August, camping, and so we had to fathom out how to put up the instruction-less tent!!
It's not a tent....it's a flippin mansion!! LOL

I also cut the back lawn. The old, bigger lawn mower broke, so have had to buy a cheapy cheapy smaller one....so more energy needed....but the weather was lush, so I didn't mind!!

Took the kids swimming this morning. The water was Frrrrrreezing!! Nicer when it's cooler though, more invigorating. We went last week and it was like stepping into a hot-tub, and I felt really lethargic afterwards.

I have aquired a bike this week. Quite a nice "Apollo" one. (Halfords make) Mountain bikey-sorta-thing. (Can you tell I am not technically-bikey-minded?)
I have yet to go out on it.
I had a bike last year, and tried to go out on it....it almost killed me.
I wonder if it'll be different now?
I am sooo nervous, I have to say!!
We'll see.

A busy week ahead, what with the kids back at school, me working, swimming lessons for the smallest man....trying to fit in the shopping, meal planning, and alsorts!!

I'll be glad of the times I need a wee....to get some peace and quiet!! LOL

sigh

2009-05-29T11:00:00.001-07:00

So...I am dishing out the mash potato onto the plates....I put 300g of un-buttered/milked mash on my plate....I put the butter and milk in for the kids potato.
I serve it up.....and then I go to put the spoon in my mouth with the last bit out of the pan.

I stopped.

I had to PHYSICALLY tell myself not to do it.

It was second nature to put the spoon in my mouth. Like a knee-tap reaction.

Will this ever stop?

Will there ever come a time when my habits are 'normal'?

I am not struggling with the diet.....
I am just tired of it.
I am tired of having to deprive myself every day.
My brain wants chocolate, and sugar.....and to have as much on my plate as my tummy is saying it wants.
I am just tired of being so self concious of everything that goes in my mouth....
And the fact this is a LIFETIME challenge is just feckin depressing, to be brutally honest.

Even when I get to goal, it's not going to stop.
I will continuously be on a diet until the day I die.
Weighing up food against exercise.
Checking labels.
Constantly saying to myself.."Am I allowed....?"

*shakes head*

I guess I am just generally pissed of.
I am jealous of those who can shove anything in their mouths and not put on a pound.

Yes, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel as far as my weight loss, and getting to a 'respectable' weight........but the journey....humm....it's never ending.

I just don't think I can cope with "Forever."

WI

2009-05-29T03:31:00.000-07:00

Right, I weighed at Scales-a-la-Tesco earlier on.
they tell me I am 16st 7.4lb.
That's 1.5 off from last Friday, so I am pleased with that.

1.5lb to go till I hit 4 stone off.
That came about quick....it didn't seem so long ago I was chasing 3.5 stones.
All good!

Good shopping done whilst at tesco....bought some mini-milk lollies....as I know i'll be tempted by the kids ones if it's nice weather this weekend!
Also bought some more raisins and peanuts to do up my '2-point-snack-bags'.

Menu needs planning again for next week, but that can wait till Sunday.

Right...and now I park my arris on the sofa and complete my homework. BAH!!

*in child voice*
Tis sunshiney and I wanna go out!!
*stamps feet*

No thanks...cry

2009-05-28T12:29:00.000-07:00

My most favourite home cooked meal.....lasagne.
And I had to say no.
*cries*
Way too much cheese sauce. Mince and pasta that's not weighable.
A flippin WW NIGHTMARE!!
And so, I had rice (4 points) and some tomato based sauce type thing, with quorn and chick peas.
It was nice.....ish.
I wanted lasagne.
But it's weigh in - Tesco styley - tomorrow morning....and so I wasn't caving into having points nighmare lasagne.

I'll be having some sugar free jelly in a minute and that'll be it for todays munchings. I am only at 16 points though, so I might have to have some peanuts or something to bring me nearer to my allowance as we watch "Britains got Talent."

Exercise wise today has been pooh.
I have been glued to the sofa doing college work. It has to be done, no choice.

Did I mention I wanted lasagne!! LOL

Hope you have all had a good day.
I'll be back tomorrow once I've weighed.
*shakes in boots*

Fancy a natter??

2009-05-27T14:14:00.000-07:00

Do you have MSN?

Add me.

Enigmanda@hotmail.co.uk

:o)

The rambler returns....

2009-05-27T12:55:00.000-07:00

I am somewhat baffled this week....not really knowing whether I am coming or going.
I am debating stopping going to class altogether, in favour of using the £18 on a gym membership. Like I have said before, I know the diet 'almost' inside out....I am just severly lacking in the exercise department. I need to sort that....badly.

However, this morning at class, I was talked into the frame of mind that I NEEDED to go to class in order to succeed.
I took this two ways.....one that I agreed with, one that I didn't.

I do agree because it's helped me no end with ideas and motivation, it's gotten me started on the loooong long road.

I don't agree because this past 7 or 8 months has taught me how strong I actually am about this.
It's not the class, soley, that's made me lose weight. It's me. It's my frame of mind, determination and the weight loss so far has given me huge amount of motivation....all on my own.

However, like I have whined about for weeks now, I need more exercise.
I need to get toned.
The underside of my upper arms are showing my efforts now...and are very saggy. I need to sort that as they make me very self concious.
Maybe the gym will give me that.
But, I can't afford both. One has to give way to the other.

And so, I think I will visit the leisure centre next week at some point, price things up, go for an induction, give it a couple of months and see how I shape up.
I will give myself until the beginning of the summer holidays (23rd-ish of July) and see how I am doing.
If I find by then that I am slacking or struggling, then I'll go to class for the time the kids are on summer break and get back into it.

I am also going to visit the doctors. I'd like to know what kind of goal I need to aim for for a breast reduction/tidy up.....and at what point I can request tummy ops.
I have heard the goal is a possible BMI of about 32-34 before you can get referred, but I am not sure. I have just broken into the 30's on the BMI front, so I am heading in the right direction.

I am falling short on my points today, a busy day, rushing about, and not being at home for long, means I have had no time for snacks and so I am about 8 points short.
I do have a packet of rainbow drops to snack on as I sit and do college work this evening, so I'll munch them, knowing I am well inside my points. (They are 0.5 for 10g, so a heeee-oooge bag is only 4 points. YAY!!)

Feeling my collar bones is strange.

My Indiana-Jones-bruise is getting better. It's alsorts of shades of the rainbow right now, and has increased in size as it has come out fully. It looks impressive. I am still giggling about my injury!! lol

I have been unable to get going on the squats, given that my acrobatics stopped me actually bending at the knee!!
I am hoping to be back to a level of ok-ness tomorrow.

I got my 50 pounds certificate this morning, as I mentioned earlier.
I'm sad that I won't be getting a 75 and 100 pound one.
If I leave WW, and then return, I will be started at zero again. But never mind. *I* will know I have achieved it.

Something that's also crossed my mind lately....
What will I do when I get to goal?
Will I eat chocolate, or pastry, or cheese, or...or....anything, or am I banned for life?
Will I be like a recovering alcoholic? Never able to touch a 'drop' again, without going completely off the rails again?
The thought of being sooooo paranoid about food, for life.....that's scary crap!!
I thought this journey was about distancing myself from the relationship with food....all it's seem to do is make it the most important thing that ever existed!!

Normally if I am battling with an addiction, I bann myself. Take chocolate, or cigarettes, for instance.
But a food addiction.....an addiction you need to actually survive....That's harsh.

I dunno....food for thought I guess.
Pardon the punn.

just a quickie....

2009-05-27T03:27:00.000-07:00

I went to class....lost 5.5 since I have been there last.....but I kinda knew due to weighing independantly.
I weighed at tesco before I went this morning, there was 0.2lb of difference between those and the ww scales, thankfully.
And so after my blip on Sunday, I am still a pound down....although I will weigh on Friday to get my 'proper' weight for the week.

I got my certificate, so I was pleased, although it's really windy and stuff outside, and it got creased....BAH!

I will update more later....as I am still chucking about the idea of stopping class verses going to register with a gym.

Here's the plan!!....sort of....

2009-05-26T14:45:00.001-07:00

Right, the past couple of weeks, I have been unable to go to class, due to working at school and whatnot, so I have weighed on the scales in Tesco....On a Friday. (WW WI is Wed)
The kids are on school holidays right now, so no work tomorrow. So I am going to class, as my monthly pass doesn't run out until the 16th June.
I am going to weigh in Tesco right before I go, as I am curious as to the weight difference between the WW scales and the electronic ones.

I am not sure as to which weight to take as an absolute this week. Wednesday, or Friday. We'll see.

When I go tomorrow, I am pretty much guarenteed my 50lb certificate. I only hope she has some. It took 2 weeks to get my 10% keyring! LOL

I just had a look on the ww site...tomorrow will be my 37th WI.
53 pounds down.
I feel like it should be more...but I am not knocking it.

After my blip on Sunday night, I am not holding my breath for a loss....but it'd be nice.

Man down!! MEDIC!!!

2009-05-25T23:25:00.000-07:00

Had an ok weekend, all things considered.
My 'lapse' on Sunday night shocked me. I was upset and thoughtful about it all day yesterday. It won't be happening again!

So, bank holiday, not sure what to do, weather was a bit 'iffy'.So we sat on the sofa for a good 20 minutes wondering what to do.
Should we rip wallpaper off the hallway walls?
Should we put the tent up in the back garden to see if all the bits are there?
Should we go for a walk?

I was all up for the walk, but my enthusiasm to get off the sofa was rubbish!!
Anyway, we got all the kids dressed and off we went.

There is always bits and pieces to play with in the boot of the car. bats, balls, football, frisbees etc.
I knew once we got there, that my energy levels would rise and it'd be fine.

It's a huge expanse of land on The downs in Bristol. Miles and miles. so no worries about crunching the football into anyone!! So we larked around playing tennis, kicking the football and generally being a bit mad!
My eldest now finds it funny that he can physically take me down to the ground in a tackle now!!

The day wouldn't be complete with some sort of injury.
It was my turn.
A very funny scenario, but a not-so-funny injury!!

Tim kicked the football smack in the middle of myself and J (My eldest lad) so we both hammered across the field to get it.
As I reached the ball, I shoved him out of the way in a true rugby style!! *laugh* .....only to see that Haidyn (my youngest) was also running at the ball and I was about to smack straight into him at full pelt!!

I managed to literally dive over the top of him just in time and do an Indiana Jones type roll thing!!
It was absolutely hilarious!!
I lay on the ground in fits of laughter, tears rolling down my face!!
H was crying, because apparently I had clipped his ear with a button on my trousers, but up against me landing smack on top of him, he got off lightly!! LOL

After I stopped laughing a bit, I realised my leg was in agony!!
I went to rub it, and felt a huge lump, even through my trousers!! EEK!

Anyway, the shortened version is....from the right side of my right knee, all the way up to half way up my thigh, is BLACK!!
Crickey knows what I caught it on, or if I landed wrong, or whatever, I don't know.
There is no way that my clipping the side of H's head would have done so much damage!!

And so I limped for the rest of the trip. (Not knowing at that point the damage, as I had combat trousers on, and couldn't lift them high enough to see!!)
I got home and got the caulflower bag out of the freezer and iced it for 20 minutes or so.

It's still agony this morning.....but everytime I have a flashback of me diving over the top of the boys I just sit and giggle out loud!!

7230 steps done yesterday on the pedometer....1.5 bonus points.
I thought it was more, but that's ok. I am sure I earned more BP's as some of the 'steps' were full pelt runs!! LOL

PMA

2009-05-24T15:36:00.001-07:00

Ok, in a bid to try and make myself feel reasonably ok before I go to bed, I figured I'd just natter away while a re-run of CSI is on the tv.

This 'lapse' I have had tonight...it could have been worse. Honestly, it could have been.

My 'binges' this time last year would have been chocolate bars, chocolate biscuits, crisps, donuts, leftovers from tea. Anything that took my fancy in the supermarket.

Tonight it has been about 12-14 rich tea biscuits, (8-ish points) a 1.5 point yoghurt, 2 points of peanuts and about 4 points of raisins - over the course of the evening.

And so, I guess in the grand scheme of things, it could have been soooo much worse. And here I am, kicking myself violently because I 'binged' on healthy-ish foods.

I have pointed them. I will keep this feeling that I feel right now in mind. It feels really crap.
I will climb back up on the wagon fully, as I haven't fallen off, I just let my foot slip a little.

swallows words

2009-05-24T14:49:00.000-07:00

Feeling slightly (read - EXTREMELY!!) pooh right now.

I've just pigged out on rich tea biscuits.

Why??

Honestly...I can't tell you.
But the whole time I am thinking in my head...."DON'T EAT ANY MORE!!!!" .... as I munch another one.

And so now I am about 15 points over for today. I had quite a pointy tea, and so I didn't leave enough points to have snacks this evening....when I knew I'd want some as I am sat on the sofa, at the laptop, doing my college assignments. BAH!!

I am soooo fooked off with myself!!

I haven't gone over points since September!!

WHY NOW??

I am getting on so well....and the losses are showing!! I can see a difference!! I am beginning to like me!!

CRAP!!

Ah well....Hopefully tomorrow will be a nice day and I can go walking.
Also hopefully my thighs are in a usable state tomorrow and I can start the squat challenge properly.

Just a quickie....

2009-05-24T10:52:00.000-07:00

Mum's birthday yesterday.
I made a cake for her (and pointed a slice to eat!! lol)

Photos were taken, which was quite nice, and Tim and I now have some pics of us together!! YAY! (<<<-- as I have potsed on here)

A bit of an NSV...I wasn't repulsed by them as much as I used to be. Although the skin at the back of my arms is going to prove to be a little bit of an issue.

I am having a bit of a 'munchie-day' today. So i'll have to be careful later once the kids go to bed!!
I have been swimming with the kids today, and worked a bit in the garden, so hopefully I'll be ok!!

Hope you are all having a good weekend??!!

Pedometer surprises

2009-05-22T05:18:00.000-07:00

I weighed this morning. 3 pounds off. Taking me to 53 down.
I should take more time to realise what an achievement that is....but it seems so small in the big ocean!
Anyway. I am pleased, immensely, as I said before, the weight is coming off a little too slowly for my liking, and so that was a nice boost to keep me on track!

Next goal: 4 stone. - 3 pounds away.
Next (bigger) goal: being in the 15s. - 9 pounds away.

I want to make some proper goals, but soooo scared of failure. So I am keeping them small and not putting dates on them.
I am going on holiday in August (Camping with Tim and the kids) and so I ought really to think about where I'd like to be closer to then.

In other news.....

I am up to 4063 steps already on my pedometer, and it's 1:20pm.
It says I have earned 3 BP's aswell!! :O (If i am reading it right!!)

The car was in the garage this morning, so I had to drop it off and walk home, then go pick it up earlier when it was done. Hence the high amount of steppage!

I absolutely love walking. I do nowhere near enough of it.
I put my earphones in, put "The script" on my phone MP3 wosit...and off I went! Marvelous!
I was thinking, in my own mind, as I toddled, how I could fit more walking in to my day. There aren't many times if I am honest.
I drop the kids off to a set time schedule (pick ups are the same) so no room really to add in a bit of walking, even by leaving the car further away....because I have time wiondows I have to keep to. BAH!

The walking today (and the squats last night) has given me the much needed exercise high to get myself addicted to again...I KNOW I like the rush it gives me, but the 'oompf' to get up and just do it is severly lacking. Hopefully this will break the cycle.

My legs ache badly from the squattage last night, and feel like blobs of jelly if I do anything that resembles strain on them!! LOL
As I mentioned in a previous post, it is, in a masochistic sense, a nice pain though.
It reminds me that I worked hard, and it targeted the right place.
I will begin the 'week 1' of the challenge on Monday once my muscles have stop whining at me!!

Nothing much more to report, apart from that I am getting bored of my lunches each day now....so I need to think about next weeks menus and mix it up a bit. *nod*

Squats....

2009-05-21T23:07:00.000-07:00

Oh my!!
Last night, myself and my son (He is 15 and wanting to 'bulk up' a little) decided to have a wee bit of a lark about as I read out the jargon on the squat site. (www.twohundredsquats.com)
We got out positioning correct, after him hilariously falling over onto the sofa about 4 times! LOL

I managed 30 consecutive squats straight off. I was a bit dissapointed....but the site said that was "good" so I was smiling.

This morning, however...I am not so smiley!! I have achey legs!!
The fronts of my legs feel like jelly!! LOL
Showed it was working though I guess, so it's a kind of good pain!!
I'll start week one on Monday, and go from there.

I am weighing this morning, at Tesco.
They just as well have a loud hailer on!! "Please step on the scale.....MEASURING WEIGHT.....MEASURING HEIGHT...."
Omg!!
BEAM ME UP SCOTTY!!

Hehe!!!

I shall let you know how I get on when I return.

Today the car has to go into the garage to have some work done on it (Catalytic converter has collapsed) and so I have to drop the car off, walk home, get call, walk back, pick car up.

I may even, as I have some spare minutes to kill, dig out my pedometer.

Humm, indeed.

2009-05-20T11:54:00.001-07:00

I just typed a whole post about my little ones dietry needs, but it felt like I was constantly trying to defend myself and how I bring up the kids, so I deleted it all.
He needs monitoring. More than I do right now. Maybe a few of his foods can be changed for healthier options. So I'll do it. *nod*

I've had a hectic day again. been on my feet most of the day. I wish I'd worn my pedometer.
I was doing "Pavement professor" road safety training at school. So huge amounts of walking. Then I was SMSA for the lunch hour....and a TA in the afternoon. My head is fried!! LOL

Food has been ok. I am still again, within points.
I need to nail this flippin exercise thing sorted. It's annoying me immensely now!
I have the enthusiasm but not the motivation/time.
I am mad at myself.
I want this weight loss so much....and yet I can't get my ass in gear and get out there.
*shakes head*

My evening ramble!!

2009-05-19T13:55:00.000-07:00

And so, another day done.
Still boringly within points! LOL
I am finding myself rather boring! The fact that I have stayed within my point e.v.e..r.y single day since September stinks of the class keener!!
BAH!!
Ah well.

As I talk about now and then, I have 4 children. 3 boys and a Drama-Princess. *laugh*

My youngest is...how shall I say....'well built' for a 7 year old.
Except now he is getting a little 'too well built' for my liking.
The other 3 are perfect. my girl is seriously petite, and I can't ever see her having a weight problem in her life. Cow! (she knows I am only jealous!!)

Anyways, the little man's tum is a little roly-poly ish and the moobs are appearing.
He's always been a solid lad. As my mum says "He has a steel rod running through him. impossible to pick up!!" he was a big baby (9 lb 0.5 oz born) and has just continued on his high centile since.

And so...now comes the hard bit for me.
He comes home tonight, and says that he's being called "Fat" at school.
Oh nooooo. I am NOT having that!!

And so....how do I deal with that??
Oh, I know....
"How would my special lickle lad like to eat mummies food for a while??"
*little man commences dancing round the kitchen like a loonie!!*

And so....now we have 2 people on ww in da house!!
Obviously I can't 'point' him and monitor what he's having like I do....but he'll be on my meals that are low/zero fat....and having my healthy snacks instead of junk/treats.
I am lucky in the fact that he is a bit of a fruit/veg monster.....he loves raw things, and will chose an apple over chocolate given the choice.
I am hoping now that the good weather is coming that I can get him out a bit more....and I booked him into swimming lessons this morning to see if we can get rid of the stoopid armbands he seems to rely on so much when we hit the pool.

Why am I so enthused about this?
Because I spent my whole school life as a victim to other childrens nastiness.
I will NOT have my child go through that!!

Being brutally honest, comments made to me throughout junior and senior school echo in my head every day, as if they were yesterday. And I am 35. They destroyed, beyond repair, any sense of self confidence or self belief.
I always think I am never good enough for anything or anyone. It reflects in relationships, in the workplace, in every area of my life.
I have suffered depression, had counselling (Not just for weight issues, for other areas of my life too) and I really can't even comprehend my Son going through that too.

And so...he'll eat 'Mummys goodies' until there is a difference and he regains the confidence that's been taken and bashed about.

*nod nod*

yup...I am a blogger-pain-in-the-ass!!

2009-05-17T13:38:00.000-07:00

I am sat here, at my desk, kinda lonely, Tim isn't here, and I'm in thoughtful-ness mode!!
I keep thinking of things I want to jot down.
This blog is all about thought processes right?? Well, my head is on overdrive!! LOL

So many things are changing right now. Why now? I don't know. Maybe I am losing inches instead of pounds....maybe I am just more aware of myself than I was before. Maybe I am taking a little more notice of things than I did.....I'm more open to listening to my body now.

When I was bigger, I tried my utmost to ignore what my body was telling me. I hated it. (I still do, but not quite as much) Why should I look after something that made me so damned miserable??!!
'It' physically hurt me.
'It' made me the victim of bullying.
'It' made me depressed.
'It' stopped me enjoying my children.
I hid it away under many layers of clothes. I did my best to avoid situations where I had to see anyone close up.
I haven't had a tan, (apart from my fore-arms) since before my eldest son was born (He's 15 now) the thought of wearing skimpy clothes revoled me.

There came a point when I couldn't exist like that anymore.

Anyways....I ramble.....

And yes.. this post is going to contain waaaaaay too much info I know...and I apologize in advance!!.....

Sat in the bath the other night....I could actually see the backs of my legs!! Now, normally I shave the fronts of the tops my legs, and all around the bottom part, under my knee.
Here was me thinking that the backs of my legs looked ok, as I don't normally shave there...thinking it was all fine hair....oooh noooo.....my hair is naturally black, so I was gutted to see it was quite thick.
It wasn't like that when I was younger/slimmer!!
And yes...it came straight off!!

Also, other parts of me have come into view when I lie down in the bath...which is erm....very strange!!

Sex is also changing. lots. For the better. I won't say anymore about this subject!!

I can run!! And I mean....RUN!!
The two middle lads went AWOL at the Heee-uuuuge car boot sale we were at last weekend....I pelted up and down every isle until I found them. (Some 20 minutes later I add.....they were 5 isles from where we were!! And the place is massive!! GRRR!!)
Call it maternal instinct and all that....but I can tell you, I couldn't have done that 6 months ago!!

I have noticed that my backside now sways and not wobbles when I walk. Sort of.
I used to have a kind of ledge, which just moved up and down.....now it goes from side to side.

I can feel my collar bones.

I can feel my hip bones when I lie flat on my bed.

Also, my mindset about this diet lark is changing. More-so this week really.
This might sound quite off-ish and I don't mean it to be, so I will put a disclaimer beforehand!! LOL

If someone told me when I started that I'd lose 50 pounds....I'd be like..."Yeah...riiiight!! I'd LOVE to!!"
To lose 50 pounds would have been amazing.

Now that I'm there?? Humm....I am not so enthralled with it to be truthful.

Yes, it was a very cool goal to aim for. But it was bitter-sweet.
I have another 50, and then some, still to go....it seems like a bit of an empty goal.
Which seems very odd to say given that I have just listed a few NSV's above.
I don't know...it just seems such a ...*chooses right words*...'minor' achievement, in the grand scheme of things.
Strange train of thought. I know.

Bedtime for me anyhow. Before my head implodes!!

Planning....

2009-05-17T11:16:00.000-07:00

In anticipation of struggling, mentally, next week, I have planned all my evening meals already. I need to do a few bits of shopping, but nothing major.
I need to stick to the meals and not detour at all.
I am normally quite good with evening meals' points, but it'll help me just keep that little bit more focussed. Every little helps, as they say.

Money is extremely crap at the moment, so treats are totally off the books this week, which is a good thing.
Although I ALWAYS keep within my points, my choices of spending my points have not been wise. Meringues have been a bit of an issue!! LOL
Spending 4 points on scoffing a tub of strawberry meringues is NOT as good as maybe an apple, pineabpple and some oranges spread through the day!! *nod*
It's easy to slip once in a while though, and not feel specifically guilty, as the points still say 25 at the end of the day. Humm. Food for thought.

I am very aware that my weight is moving very slowly. I wish there was something I could do to make it shift faster. I am an impatient person!!
It's hard fitting in stuff around 4 kids, college, work, the housework and Tim.
*sigh*

It boggles me how my resolve and motivation can be so high, and yet I still doubt myself.

Update of sorts.

2009-05-17T07:06:00.000-07:00

So, I cancelled my monthly pass. It runs out on the 16th of June, so not too bad.
I am working this Wednesday, so won't be able to go to class, but I will weigh on Friday, as i did last week.
The week after, the kids are on holidays, so I will go to class, and hopefully I'll get my 50lb certificate. I need it in my hand!!
Then, that'll be it for meetings, until maybe the summer holidays when the kids are off again.

I will weigh on a Friday morning (As I always have the day off on a friday) on the scales in Tesco. They are electronic ones, and I will keep them as my official weighing ones from now on.

I know I will go to class the week after next, but I will still go and weigh on the Tesco ones on the Friday aswell.

I am trying to stay positive about going it alone, but it seriously scares the living crap out of me!!
Who will I stay accountable to?
I am so glad the boards on the WW site will still be available....and of course, I still have this blog.

I know the diet inside out and upside down, so I should be ok.

Tim also keeps an eye on me, and glances at my tracker every time he is here!! lol

And so, this week hasn't been too bad. i have kept within my points every day, although the water is becoming a bit of an issue, as I keep forgetting to drink it!!
The weather has been absolutely rubbish here this week, and so getting out and about for a bit of exercise hasn't been too easy, although I have taken the kids swimming twice, so I suppose it's not too bad.

Good luck with WI's everyone. xx

Seeing a little less of me......

*marks off the days*

*hides by the door*

AWOL returning

flying visit....

shorts again

shorts

the dreaded eve....

*drags self back up the slippery slope*

just a flying visit...

I know....it's a loss....but....

comfort eating.....

*sigh*

*chuffed*

I WON!!

ATCHOOOOO!!

Hummmm

Who'd-a-thunk-it??

Random notes....

Snow, snow...go awaaaayyyy!!!!

Something's clicked....

Give me sweetness!!

Is it the weekend yet???

E=Mc2.....or something like that!!

I was busy catching up on posts....

"Does my ass look big in this??"

Hi Hunni....I'm hoooome!!

Quickie shorts....

Beg, beg....grovel....

Moment of truth....

WI tomorrow.....

Strange innit?

Pointing

*wave*

Checkin in for a sec.....

Gym time returns!!

Hi Hunni....I'm hooooome!!

Allooooo!!

Tough times....

Catch up time, I guess.

Flying visit....

Aaaaachooo!! :oP

*sigh*

*phew!*

Silly NSV

Me again ;oP

A little graphic....so pass on by if you like!!

Wednesday already??

Short 'n' sweet....

Waffle....

Coffudle-ness

*waves*

feeling blergh!

BRING IT ON!!

Just a flying visit!!

Feeling goooood!!

Back to week one??

De-cluttering.....

Back to rambling!!

YAY!!

ARGH!!

Measuring....

Eek!!

*waves*

OMG!!!!

Where's the week gone??

*nod*

Goals...

Vrooooom!!

I DID IT!!!!!!!!!

June?? WHUT??

*sigh*

WI

No thanks...*cry*

Fancy a natter??

The rambler returns....

just a quickie....

Here's the plan!!....sort of....

Man down!! MEDIC!!!

PMA

marks off the days

hides by the door

drags self back up the slippery slope

sigh

chuffed

wave

sigh

phew!

waves

waves

nod

sigh

No thanks...cry

swallows words